August 2008
August 28, 2008
This afternoon, for the first time in my life, I wrote a scathingly angry e-mail and, instead of waiting an hour or two (or a day or two) to calm down and rewrite it, I sent it immediately.
I'm still shaking a little bit.
E.S. said, "Why are you so unnerved?"
I asked him, "When was the last time you saw me express anger to a person who wasn't you or a blood relative of mine?"
"Um . . . um . . ." he said.
"Exactly."
Posted by Faustus, MD at 11:41 PM | Comments (6)
August 27, 2008
Speaking of things I'm very excited to see:
Posted by Faustus, MD at 09:25 PM | Comments (8)
August 26, 2008
the greedy the people
(as if as can yes)
they steal and they buy
and they die for because
though the bell in the steeple
says Why
the chary the wary
(as all as can each)
they don't and they do
and they turn to a which
though the moon in her glory
says Who
the busy the millions
(as you're as can i'm)
they flock and they flee
through a thunder of seem
though the stars in their silence
say Be
the cunning the craven
(as think as can feel)
they when and they how
and they live for until
though the sun in his heaven
says Now
the timid the tender
(as doubt as can trust)
they work and they pray
and they bow to a must
though the earth in her splendor
says May
e.e. cummings
Posted by Faustus, MD at 10:42 PM | Comments (5)
August 25, 2008
I have been waiting for years for the release of this movie. I honestly don't understand why it's taken so long. I mean, come on: Cthulhu and Tori Spelling?
(Take a look at this post to refresh your memory of Cthulhu and/or the story of how It he and I met.)
I am more excited than I have been since . . . I don't know. I may actually be more excited than I have ever been before in my life.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 11:39 PM | Comments (15)
August 24, 2008
Yesterday afternoon I was walking briskly towards Astor Place and I passed three college-age kids and heard the following excerpt of their conversation:
BOY: . . . and this girl said your asshole has to be open before they fuck you or there'll be pain, so I put a banana in my butt.
GIRL 1: Oh, a banana's a good idea.
GIRL 2: But you can use anything. A cucumber, a shampoo bottle.
GIRL 1: Or a back massager. I used a back massager once.
BOY: Why'd you use a back massager?
GIRL 1: I was bored.
GIRL 2: You could use a back massager for S&M, too.
BOY: Would you be one of those S&M people?
GIRL 2: Hell, yeah. You get paid a lot, like seven or eight hundred dollars
GIRL 1: Would you whip a dwarf?
BOY: For eight hundred dollars I'd whip anybody.
At this point our paths diverged—theirs down the street, mine into the subway.
But I went down the station stairs grinning at the joy of youth.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 07:07 PM | Comments (8)
August 22, 2008
As the uptown 3 train was pulling out of the 14th Street station this evening I witnessed the following exchange.
Foreign Couple Looking (Intelligently) at a Map: Jabber jabber jabber jabber jabber.
Old Guy Who Looks Like Santa Down on His Luck: Where are you trying to go?
Foreign Couple: We are wanting to go to Times Square.
Old Guy: Oh, you just go to 34th Street and get off, it's right there.
Foreign Couple: Thank you so very.
Old Guy: Here we are, 34th Street—it's my stop too. Here's where you get out.
(The couple stands up to follow him as he leaves the train.)
Random Nearby Lady: This is not your stop. Times Square is at the 42nd Street stop, which is next.
Foreign Couple (sitting back down): Thank you so very.
(The couple sits back down until 42nd Street, at which point they leave the subway, as do I.)
I mean, okay, it's kind of weird to live in New York and not know that Times Square is at 42nd Street. I mean, there's a musical about it. But if you live in New York and don't know that Times Square is at 42nd Street, don't you think there are tasks to which you're better suited than giving people directions?
Posted by Faustus, MD at 11:16 PM | Comments (6)
August 21, 2008
Since I am 1) a writer and 2) very disorganized, I have more than a passing familiarity with the phrase "insufficient funds."
I usually encounter it, however, in the context of buying clothing, for example, or too many books.
Before this evening I had never encountered it in the grocery store with a basket containing half a pound of chicken, four peaches, an onion, and a bottle of paprika.
This has not been my day.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 07:48 PM | Comments (17)
August 19, 2008
Okay, I need help.
(Ha, ha.)
Would you please go here to take a two-question survey?
It may help me resolve a problem over which I've been gnashing my teeth and tearing my hair out for three weeks now. The nature of the problem itself must remain concealed for the moment, but the day will come when all will be revealed.
Thank you.
Update: Some people have been kind enough to leave the answer to question #1 in the comments section on this post. I appreciate your generosity, but I'd like to ask readers not to do so from here on out. I myself know the answer; my aim is to find out whether readers recognize the phrase—and so putting the answer in the comments actually defeats my purpose.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 06:45 PM | Comments (8)
August 13, 2008
BEIJING — AUGUST 10: President of the United States George W. Bush holds up the American Flag the wrong way before wife Laura Bush instructs him to turn it around at the swimming arena at the National Aquatics Center during day 2 of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games on August 10, 2008 in Beijing, China.
Are we to be spared nothing?
Posted by Faustus, MD at 09:07 PM | Comments (14)
August 11, 2008
Today I saw Mamma Mia. I wept rivers during "The Winner Takes It All."
Then I went to a party where I sat next to Oksana Baiul, who was hysterically funny.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 10:25 PM | Comments (10)
August 08, 2008
Remember Dmitri the Lover?
Well, lucky for us all, he's giving lessons.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 09:43 PM | Comments (9)
August 07, 2008
When I was in college, if I was in love with somebody I knew slightly but I couldn't come up with an excuse to, you know, actually speak to him, I would tell him he'd appeared in my dreams the night before (in a completely non-sexual way).
"I dreamed that there were a bunch of people floating around as circles," I said to one guy once, "and I was a triangle, and then I saw another triangle floating around, and it turned out to be you."
We ended up making out once, several months later, so obviously I was onto something.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 07:28 AM | Comments (7)
August 06, 2008
It has just come to my attention that there are people who have not read True Porn Clerk Stories.
If you are one of these people, please, please do your part to rectify the situation.
You won't regret it.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 11:07 PM | Comments (3)
August 05, 2008
Of course, the job he was beginning was in the department where this happened less than a month before his first day, so it's possible he should be granted some leeway.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 10:23 PM | Comments (2)
August 04, 2008
A few weeks ago today, E.S., having finished his psychiatric residency in Hell at Beth Israel hospital, began his new job as an attending psychiatrist at a city hospital. To support him, I decided to wake up early on his first day and cook him breakfast; when I asked him the day before what he wanted, he suggested that oatmeal and scrambled eggs would be delicious. I asked him when he would be going to work, and he said he thought he'd leave the house at around 8:30.
The next morning, at 7:30, I was in the kitchen boiling water for the oatmeal (I scorn instant oatmeal and use only steel-cut oats, which take me about 45 minutes or so to prepare on the stove) when E.S. came downstairs, attired for work. I was concerned, since he doesn't usually dress in the morning until shortly before leaving the house. Then we had the following conversation:
FAUSTUS: Wait, when are you leaving?
E.S.: In about half an hour.
FAUSTUS: But—but—I won't be able to finish your oatmeal before then!
E.S.: I guess not. Obviously I need to find a boyfriend who loves me more.
FAUSTUS: But—but—
E.S.: No, just kidding. I'm leaving at 8:30.
FAUSTUS: Oh, my God. You were lying to me.
E.S.: I was motivating you.
FAUSTUS: With lies.
E.S.: It's a currency you're familiar with.
The only thing that kept me from dumping the oatmeal on his head was the fact that I really like oatmeal.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 09:24 PM | Comments (20)
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