June 27, 2007

One day, when I was twelve, my mother walked in on me masturbating to The Love Boat.

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14 Responses to One day, when I was twelve, my mother walked in on me masturbating

  1. richie says:

    That only begs the question, what about The Love Boat caught your fancy. :) (Alas, I am too young to have actually watched an episode of TLB.)

  2. crossoverman says:

    “Exciting and new… *come* aboard, we’re expecting you!”

    • Sofa says:

      I frequently watched The Love Boat unzipped as a 14-year-old teenager. My desire was towards the cute cruise ship coordinator “Julie.” Thankfully, I was never caught! Many female guest stars accentuated each cruise. I “came onboard” whenever the prettiest guest star or Julie finished the show. It was doubly fun when Julie and the female guest star completed their scene together. Innocence! (Sigh)

  3. John says:

    Oh, god. Please tell me it wasn’t Gopher in those little white shorts that got you all hot and bothered.

  4. TED says:

    One can but pray that the episode in question was not one with Ethel Merman as a guest star.

  5. David says:

    I’m going to guess it was Doc, as Bernie Kopell was clearly the stud of the ship.

  6. Kevin says:

    I don’t think they were literally telling you to “come aboard.”

    (New reader. Actor/director. Thought I’d take a look around. Hope you don’t mind.)

  7. tim says:

    OH. MY. GAWD.

  8. adam875 says:

    Who was the guest star?

  9. John, TED, David, and adam875, alas, I remember neither the subject of my masturbatory fantasy nor the guest star. There are some memories over which the veil is better left unlifted.

  10. Jeffrey says:

    It was Charo, wasn’t it?

  11. Andy says:

    alas, I remember neither the subject of my masturbatory fantasy nor the guest star

    It’s a safe bet it wasn’t Charo.

  12. The F-AF says:

    I can’t believe that no one remembers Ted McGinley as photographer Ashley “Ace” Covington Evans.

    Clearly, he was the object of your self-desire.

  13. dan renzi says:

    I was once in a play where two men simulated sexual intercourse, whilst a female impersonator stood above them lip syncing Mariah Carey’s “Hero.”

    I always considered that to be the gayest event in human history.

    You choking your chicken to the erotic glory of The Love Boat…that trumps it in spades. Congratulations.

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