November 20, 2003

Continued from two days ago.

We left the restaurant and started walking around the block. It’s slightly difficult to walk with one’s heart in one’s throat, but somehow I managed. Eventually he said, “I like you. And I’m really attracted to you. But . . . what’s going to be different this time?”

I started talking, stammering even more than I usually do when I’m nervous. I talked about the strong effect our conversation on Yom Kippur had had on me; I talked about my coming to see him in a new light; I talked about my understanding of what a blackguard I’d been. “I’m a different person than I was a year ago,” I said.

“Okay,” he said.

“I mean, you can think about it, you don’t have to give me an answer now, or if your answer’s no I completely understand and—”

“No, I mean, okay, I’ll go out on a date with you.”

Then I burst into tears.

Which was the first time I’d done that in front of him, despite having dated him for six months. So I was already doing better on the emotional honesty front, as bursting into tears is something I find myself having the urge to do at least twelve times every day, but I always bottle it up.

So we’ve seen each other a few times since then, and I’ve had a really nice time (except for when I herniated, though I suspect that, with some fudging, not having to go to the emergency room can be counted as having a really nice time). I’m excited and nervous and terrified and full of hope and doubt.

And with that, you’re all current. So far, this story has no ending.

It’s just to be continued.

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18 Responses to Continued from two days ago.

  1. zenchick says:

    wow.
    good for you.
    good luck :)

  2. Anonymous #7 says:

    Woah, dude. That’s better than fiction. If only my lazy imagination would get off its ass and write something comparably sparky and wonderful.

  3. Jeff says:

    Although I have no business being so, I am very proud of you.

  4. Patrick (the other one) says:

    very cute

    i thought the chocolate was a good sign…

  5. orbicon says:

    Damn right you should cry!

    “Sometimes love hides under a rock.” …oh and another good arabic to english quote…”Death rides a fast camel.”

    I’m sorry. I know not to post drunk. Maybe I shouldn’t comment either.

  6. Karen says:

    I just recently read all of your archives (and MAK’S, and Crash’s and Dave’s too…I’m not sure what that says about me as a person) and I just have to say, “Yay you!”

  7. Wayne says:

    That was a very tear-droping moment for me. Reading your blog is like watching a never ending story, filled with joy, sarcaismz, and of coures, tears.

    Faustus, I’m proud of your for taking the step, and go after what You want, and what you believe is real. *HUG*

    Just remember to wack his butt for me.

  8. Jeremy says:

    Could this be it? Might Faustus have finally found love in Manhattan? Could the search be over?

    Sorry. I probably just jinxed the fuck out of you.

    In any event, congratulations, and best of luck.

  9. Crash says:

    Ditto Jeremy’s comments. While I’ve enjoyed reading about your search for love, it would be interesting to read about how you handle having found it.

    I hope it works out.

  10. Julienne says:

    Aww.. :) It sounds like he’s a keeper.

  11. Patrick says:

    You are an inspiration to those of us who are moving into the “dateless and desperate” (AKA…”horny and hard up”) phase of a dry spell.

    I hope it works well for you.

  12. mzouiser says:

    Congratulations. Not on finding “it” – still too soon for that – but on your newfound honesty and committment. Keep up the good work.

  13. Jalal says:

    You cried infront of another man ?

    Maybe I need to grow up to appreciate this thing.

  14. Amanda says:

    Faustus, it would be too fabulous if your search for love turned out to be not a search for a lover (who in retrospect you found that you knew anyway) but a search for how to love. Best of luck.

  15. Convivia says:

    You are an Evil Cliffhanger Person. I was on the edge of my chair.

    Anyway, XXOO to you. Dating is good. Dating a nice, smart, sweet, and handsome man is even better. So you’re both in luck ;)

  16. Convivia says:

    Oh, and I can’t imagine your being a “blackguard”. A “heartless cad”, perhaps.

    A heartless cad kisses and tells. A blackguard kisses and tells your mother.

  17. Dr.Philomena says:

    Sounds lovely thus far!

  18. jes says:

    First time I tripped across your blog and I must say, I simply love the way you write

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