August 12, 2005

Last night, E.S. and I watched Hooking Up, a new reality show in the Blind Date mold. The crew follows women as they go on dates with men they’ve met online. I do not care for the show, as I find the people tend either to humiliate themselves or to be skanky. Last night was no exception; a woman was out with a man she’d had a good first date with, but the second date was going nowhere fast. He was far too intense, getting far too close far too quickly. “I just feel a real connection with you,” he said, “and it’s clear to me you feel it too.” He was attractive but it was just awful to watch. She was obviously unnerved, and in the end she let him down easy. Then E.S. and I had the following conversation:

E.S.: I dated him. I mean, not him specifically, but somebody who did that.
E.S.: He was like, it would be great to keep getting closer to you, to get to know you better and better. And I was like, it would be great to stab you with this kitchen knife.
FAUSTUS (excited): Wait. Did you think that at the time? Or is this just how you’re putting it now?
E.S.: I couldn’t express it that way then. All I felt in the moment was that it was weird and creepy.
FAUSTUS: Oh, my God, I’m rubbing off on you! I’m getting you to have violent thoughts and impulses!
E.S. (defensive): I have violent thoughts and impulses all the time.
FAUSTUS: Oh, yeah, like what?
E.S.: Like some of my patients who are really sick–I just want to put them out of their misery.
FAUSTUS: That doesn’t count.
E.S.: Not even if I do it by sawing their heads off?
FAUSTUS (with eyes narrowed): Are they anaesthetized?
E.S.: Of course not. What would be the point, if you couldn’t hear their screams grow muffled as the blood gurgled into their tracheas?
FAUSTUS: Oh, honey. I’m so proud of you.

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15 Responses to Last night, E.S. and I

  1. Helen says:

    Dear god…if you two don’t get married, no one ever, ever should.

    Um…I can’t help but notice that you skipped right over your nudie bar experience, Faustus. Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

  2. Mushlette says:

    Decapitation. So healthy. *snigger*

  3. Gurustu says:

    Cutting off your head is also an excellent way to get rid of those unwanted vanity pounds.

  4. Stairs says:

    Love : )

  5. chris says:

    oh deary! *pokes u both in the ass… with proloxin decanoate*

  6. Another Joel says:

    “Off with their heads!”, said the Queen.

    “It seems queens are dreadfully fond of beheading people”, said Alice.

  7. Uncle Zoloft says:

    Honey get me a vodka and a handful of “mother’s little helpers” the boys are at it again.


  8. sam says:

    Is it a sign of your rubbing off on your readers that I did a double-take when I read the word “skanky” in a post?

  9. David says:

    A match made in heaven.

  10. Jess says:

    Such a touching post!

  11. Paul says:

    ES has the right idea! Off with their heads.

    Glad to see that you guys are bonding on violent impulses 🙂


  12. matt says:

    Ah, you HAVE found true love in Manhattan! I love you guys!

    …just need to make sure that ES isn’t ever my nurse.

  13. matt says:

    …or doctor. ?

  14. Jeff says:

    Sick, sick puppies, the both of you!

    Fancy a biscuit?

  15. MzOuiser says:

    Ditto Helen. I don’t want to see her angry either.


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