August 10, 2005

Not long ago, I attended my first baseball game. The experience was frightening and yet ultimately satisfactory, if only for the mountains of sugar I consumed while I was there.

Tonight will mark a first of another kind, when I attend a bachelor party.

A heterosexual bachelor party.

Apparently, the strip club that is one of the evening’s many destinations requires that its patrons wear pants and shoes. I’m up for the movie that is the first part of the celebration, the dinner that is the second part, and the drinking (or at least watching the drinking) that is the third part, but I may end up wearing shorts and flip-flops so that I have to bow out before I risk getting a lap dance.

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19 Responses to Not long ago, I attended

  1. Sparky says:

    I’ve been to a bunch of bachelor parties and had a grand ol’ time — it’s hard to go wrong in the company of a bunch of good friends in the mood to have fun — but I’ve always bowed out before the strip club portion of those evenings. I’m not grossed out by the naked ladies, but moreso by the idea of watching my straight friends turn into wolves around them.

  2. Another Joel says:

    Baseball, bachelor parties, ex-gay TV specials…. Are you trying to tell us something?!

    Please, say it ain’t so!

  3. Andy says:

    I went once. As this woman with bad teeth and too much makeup was shaking her weird, fat breasts in my face I had to ask the groom, “Seriously?”

  4. Groomzilla says:

    My brother’s friends made me get a lap dance at his bachelor party, and I think it was the best conversation that stripper ever had at work. They rarely get the chance for a real conversation, or at least one that doesn’t involve “pussy” or “yeah, bitch.” I asked her what perfume she was wearing, and I still remember…Sunflowers. Sigh.

  5. chris says:

    firstly why did ur str8 friends invite the worlds biggest nelly bottom to a bachelor party, apart from being polite of course?

    secondly: you might hafta see a VAGINA! :-O!

  6. James says:

    I say give it a shot. It’ll be an interesting… cultural experience.

  7. Mushlette says:

    You should go! If nothing more than for a really funny blog post. I mean, this is about us, your readers, right? Right?!

    Plus, strip clubs tend to be full of men, so you’ll probably find something to look at without trying too hard.

  8. birdfarm says:

    silly me, i thought at first that the club’s rule about pants meant that gentlemen wearing skirts or dresses would be excluded.

    you might try that route and see what happens.

  9. Mr.D. says:

    I’d just like to point out (as Faustus clearly knows already) that here in the U.K., “pants” = mens’ underwear e.g. boxer shorts, Y-fronts etc.

    So the graphic image of a group of men just wearing kecks (pants) and footwear in a queue for a club is mildly amusing.

  10. Taylor says:

    I went to a redneck strip club once and I don’t believe there was any sort of enforced dress code. Trust me when I say that there should have been. In that sense, I guess you’re lucky…maybe?

  11. Helen says:

    As if gay guys don’t like boobs nearly as much as straight guys….psssssh.

    Can’t wait to hear about this one. I only hope you didn’t jeopardize your standing as Gayest Person Ever.

  12. Crash says:

    I’ve always been kind of fond of lap dances. Especially when the stripper knows I’m gay; she tends to go all out since she knows she’s safe. And it’s worth being close to all the naughty girly bits when you see the looks of longing and jealousy on the straight boys’ faces.

  13. Beltane says:

    Oh you have to go – so you can regale us with your story here!

    And I’m sorry, but eek, I don’t watch The View!

  14. glo says:

    darling, i think in the straight-man’s world, flip-flops ARE ‘shoes’


    in any case YOU would have the best pants-and-shoes in the club. no, really, i KNOW you would!!

  15. Scott says:

    Dear Lord, I can’t even imagine.

  16. MzOuiser says:

    *Anxiously awaiting the Next Post*

  17. Ruby says:


    I went to one but for a lesbian who was kind of yoou know…manly. It was NOT pretty for me to see, although I know all the straight guys have fantasies about this, but what I saw, wasn’t pretty. It really wasn’t. There were a bunch of girls drooling all over the female stripper, and the only thing I could think of is ways to kill myself:

    1-Alcohol poisoning.
    2-Alcohol poisoning.
    3-Alcohol poisoning.
    4-Alcohol poisoning.
    5-Alcohol poisoning.
    6-Alcohol poisoning.
    7-Alcohol poisoning.
    8-Alcohol poisoning.
    9-Alcohol poisoning.
    10-Jump out of the window. (Her apartment is on th 16th floor. I want to die pretty with my brain still intact.)

    Faustus, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.

  18. spintoto says:

    Are you kidding…you have to go…i’ve been to several straight boy bachelor parties and they are one of the most homoerotic things i’ve ever attended…even more homoerotic that the NYSC locker room on Wall Street, if that’s even possible.
    First, the whole point of the evening is to watch your buddies get turned on…there are all these hot men walking around with hardons, and there’s often a long line for the stalls rather than the urinals, if you know what i mean.
    take advantage of it, stay alert, you’ll see more hardons than any steam room you’ve ever been to.

  19. perry says:

    My best experience with this was once when the party was at a private home, so the girlie had to be accompanied by a “bodyguard” to make sure the horny groomsmen didn’t get too out of control. The bodyguard was obviously one of the built muscle hotties that same agency sends out to bachelorette parties, and I only hope he makes something comparable doing the bodyguard gigs.

    Anyway, he was some fine frucking sh*t and I made sure he knew it!! “C’mon, look at all these str8 guys, they’re having the time of their lives, can’t you at least take your shirt off & wag your crotch in my face or something?!” He was a good sport but the bastard didn’t take off a goddamned thing.

    Anyway honey, whenever you get back from your Campy Camp-Camp, we MUST get together & do some serious drinking & boy watching, now that you have a little freedom in that regard… =) It’s been too long.


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