Joel portrait old

Joel is from South Carolina, where his great-grandmother had an affair with George Gershwin. After fleeing the south as soon as he possibly could, he got a B.A. in linguistics from Harvard. A year after he graduated, his thesis on the Abkhaz language was shown to be completely wrong, as the word he had been translating as “who” turned out to be not a noun but a verb. Realizing that linguistics was not his métier, he moved to New York to get an M.F.A. in musical theater writing from the Tisch School of the Arts.


Musicals for which he has written the scores have been produced in London, New York, and various cities in between (going counterclockwise). In an attempt to become the gayest person ever, he joined Cheer New York, New York’s gay and lesbian cheerleading squad, but eventually he had to leave because he was too depressed. In desperation, he started knitting and teaching aerobics, though not at the same time. He hopes to come to a bad end.

4 Responses to About

  1. Carlos Bann says:

    My boyfriend dumped (pretty much) last night and as I was googling experiences from other guys in the same situation, I came across your page. It made me laugh really good. Thanks.

    • Joel Derfner says:

      Your boyfriend is an ASSHOLE who is going to die alone.

      I’m sorry it took me so long to approve your comment on my site. It’s been broken and I had to get people to fix it but while they were fixing it I couldn’t figure out how to get in.

      Also, he’s going to gain a lot of weight, go bald, and get acne.

      I recommend you read my book Gay Haiku, which was inspired by a breakup.

  2. Jimmy Pack says:

    This is the best title of any book ever written:
    “My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever.”
    I love that it says “person.”

  3. Keith Page says:

    I just checked out “Swish” @ local library. Making me laugh out-loud. I am gay Dallasite 54 years young.


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