Yesterday morning, when I woke up, while performing my morning ablutions I felt an odd but very powerful sense of disconnection from reality. The familiar seemed strange, and the strange seemed even stranger.
I racked my brain to figure out what was different.
Could it be that it was the first morning I was waking up in the new house in Brooklyn that E.S. and I finally, after a maddening series of delays, finished buying?
It was certainly a possibility, but somehow it still didn’t seem quite right. And the feeling of unfamiliarity only intensified.
Then, as I was wandering around the rooms (in my socks, since the floors have obviously not been scrubbed since 1972), I saw a box I had marked “OPEN IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!” I obeyed my instructions and looked inside.
I almost cried with relief when I saw that it was my bathroom scale. I installed it in its proper place and the strange feeling dissipated at once.
Then I stepped on the scale.
I should have stuck with the odd but powerful sense of disconnection from reality, because now I have to go kill myself.