September 16, 2005

Tomorrow I am attending a Mexican-themed dinner party to which I have been assigned to bring dessert. Unfortunately, I have no Mexican cookbooks, so I was forced to turn to other sources of inspiration. After scouring the internet for appropriate recipes earlier in the week, I settled on Boca Negra Chocolate Chipotle Cakes with Sweet Tomatillo Sauce and Vanilla Custard Sauce. This would involve toasting dried chiles, halving vanilla beans, blending tomatillos, cutting up unrefined brown sugar–a substance I have never encountered before–and generally making a big fuss in the kitchen, which is something I love to do above all things. Well, above most things, anyway.

And so by 9:00 tonight, having acquired none of the requisite ingredients and realizing that I have no free time at all during the day tomorrow, I accepted that there was absolutely no way it was going to happen, so I just made my regular chocolate cake recipe and tossed in a quarter cup of cinnamon and three tablespoons of chili paste. I was so flustered by the fact that I was making up a recipe that I forgot to put any eggs in; I rectified the omission, luckily, before it was too late.

If the batter was any indication, this cake is going to burn people’s tongues off.

Which just goes to show you I should just do what the fucking cookbook tells me to do.

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23 Responses to Tomorrow I am attending a

  1. Uncle Zoloft says:

    Tortilla’s fried in honey and cinnamon. Take out of pan place on plate covered in powdered sugar. place banana in center with 3 small scoops of vanilla ice cream; wrap tortilla over banana & ice cream. Cover with chocolate syrup. Messy. Yes. Yummy. Yes. I’ve pulled it off at small dinner parties.

  2. Ruby says:

    Unfortunately I am at work now and I never memorized a recipe, so I can’t help you there. How close are you to the hosts? You could always say that you never made dessert because you want them to stay as fit as they are (if they look good) or because you want them to lose some pounds (if they are overweight). Of course, I am just kidding.

    Good luck anyway. But reallyu, chili in a chocolate cake?! As a chocoholic, I might just sue you! You’re lucky I’m not invited to the party.

  3. PJ says:

    Chili in a chocolate cake, yes, but THREE TABLESPOONS??? Someone will probably die. Won’t that be fun!

  4. Marc says:

    Why not flan? It’s a Mexican classic. Or even a chocolate flan with a *touch* of cinnamon (and I do mean a touch, girl!) and Kahlua? It will let you make such a fuss in the kitchen that E.S. may want to kill you. But at least you won’t make people vomit with the cup of cinnamon you put in the cake. And when E.S. tastes it, he’ll be your slave for life. By the way, you don’t have to use Mexican chocolate; it’s a pain to find (Dean & Deluca or Citarella would have it, but is it worth the time?) and the cinnamon stick will suffice to infuse the chocolate with the flavor you’re after.

    You could also go with something clever, like .

    From your friendly “kitchen bitch”…

  5. Marc says:

    Okay, I can construct an hyperlink, I can, I can! The first one worked! At any rate, even though the second one didn’t, I’m allowed. It’s 9:16 a.m. on Saturday. I should still be in bed!

  6. michelle says:

    according to the food network, if you add a dash of chili powder to anything chocolate it instantly becomes mexican cuisine

    poof, you’re mexican

  7. dafinagirl says:

    Serve it with a sweetened creme fraiche, that will cut the burn.

  8. Mush says:

    Darling! Three tablespoons of chili paste?!?!? What, exactly, were you thinking?

    I want to see video footage of people eating this monstrosity! *giggle*

  9. Rikki Lee says:

    So did you kill everyone?

  10. Jeffrey says:

    “…do what the fucking cookbook tells me to do.”

    Funny, that’s the same tack I follow with the voices in my head.

  11. Alex says:

    I’m more aghast at the quarter cup of cinnamon. I’d think a teaspoon of cinnamon and an eighth-to-fourth of a teaspoon of chili powder would have done the trick.

  12. Hanuman says:

    Leaving the whole kitchen fetish thing aside, and since you were running short on time anyway, do you mean to tell me that there isn’t one Mexican bakery in all of NYC?!!!

    How did the cake turn out, anyway? 🙂

    P.S. Just got around to buying a copy of Gay Haiku. Loved it!!!

  13. Another Joel says:

    I would have just brought a bag of nacho chips and a bottle of tequila ….

    The biggest fuss I make in the kitchen is wrestling with my boyfriend on the linoleum.

  14. Chris says:

    Joel do you really wrestle with ur boyfriend in the kitchen? *giggles* thats hot

  15. Elliott says:

    Thank you, Zoloft. As apparently the only Mexican reading this blog, I was already in convulsions until I got to your post… What a save!!!

  16. Uncle Zoloft says:

    No word since Friday….. maybe that “dessert” f#cked them up and they’re wandering around Central Park looking for margaritas.

  17. Rikki Lee says:

    so it’s nearly a week…did every one at the party die a fiery death from you Chili Inferno Cake?

  18. Anonymous says:

    Is he still alive???

  19. Uncle Zoloft says:

    he’s still on the can……

  20. Another Joel says:

    I think Faustus and E.S. have secretly eloped, a necessity as all the would-be guests haven’t been able to step more than two feet away from a loo since being served the good doctor’s burning hot Mexican love cake.

  21. Uncle Zoloft says:

    The Good Doctor’s Burning Hot Mexican Love Cake sould be the title of the doctor’s next book ~ which could then be turned into a really hot porn dvd. Cooking with Sex.

  22. Chris says:

    omg nearly a week since the last post. ok, its official. this going steady with E.S. thing is really killing your creativity (ie. your neuroses) and killing your blog. You must dump E.S. at once. Amusing me is way more important than your mental health.

    Lots of love,

  23. ‘nother Mexican here… something quick and easy to do is to buy those little pre-packed shortcakes and douse them with a “cajeta” reduction (the Mexican version of ‘dulce de leche’, made with goat’s milk rather than cow’s milk) made with orange juice, a little amaretto and cajeta. Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream and candied walnuts/pecans they sell here in New York on the street and you will have a very Mexican-inspired dessert (and not harmful to one’s health 🙂



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