June 11, 2002

Today in McDonald’s I saw the following sign hanging below the menu:

SMILE GUARANTEE
If we do not SMILE before you pay, you get a FREE
Small French Fry or Hash Brown.
PLEASE PLAY! ………….. TRY TO CATCH US!

This is a direct quote (I wrote it down) except that I’m actually not positive about the number of periods in between PLEASE PAY! and TRY TO CATCH US! I kept trying to count them—the woman at the register clearly thought I was a dangerous lunatic—but there was something sinister and mesmerizing about the periods that caused me to lose count every time I got past three.

Now I can never go to McDonald’s again, for fear that an employee subjected to such degradation will have brought a gun to work and will start shooting while I am there.

In perhaps less terrifying news, I have been reviewed! Wendy, thank you, whoever you are. Would that you were a gay man so that I could obsess neurotically about you and fall in love with you and then meet you and be completely disappointed and disillusioned.

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2 Responses to Today in McDonald's I saw

  1. Lyn says:

    I have to agree with her review. I thoroughly enjoy reading your entries because they *are* extremely well written. Good luck in your search!

  2. brian says:

    hmmmm….and all these years i was mistakenly thinking it was the burgers that would kill, not the cashier! thanks for the heads up. ;)

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