The other day, while E.S. and I were watching The Millionaire Matchmaker, we were both struck by how well the millionaire and the girl he had chosen for his first mini-date were getting along—from their badinage you’d think they’d known each other for years. Then E.S. and I had the following conversation.
FAUSTUS: He picked her because she has a personality.
E.S.: He picked her because they have similar defensive structures. They both use humor to protect themselves, so they feel safe and comfortable with each other.
FAUSTUS: That’s why I didn’t like you when we went out the first time!
E.S.: You still don’t like me.
FAUSTUS: Well, right, but—we have different defensive structures.
E.S.: No we don’t.
FAUSTUS: Yes we do.
E.S.: We’re both avoidant.
FAUSTUS: I use humor as a defensive structure. You’re not funny.
E.S.: You use narcissism as a defensive structure. You think you’re funny.
FAUSTUS: Get away from me.