February 17, 2009

A week or two ago I found this book on my shelf and figured I might as well reread it.

fortunesofwar.jpg

While I am not such a naïf as to be aware neither that the representation of the cadet of these two men might conceivably be thought to share a feature or two with me nor that the older could be considered to bear not a little resemblance to the man I dream of fucking me six ways to Sunday Christopher Meloni, it is nevertheless not the case that the only merits I find in this book are the sex scenes (though the sex scenes are, to be frank, pretty meritorious). There’s also a surprisingly compelling tale of international politics, piracy, and war in the age of Elizabeth.

I offer this as background information to this conversation I had with my fiancé.

E.S.: What’s that you’re reading?
FAUSTUS: It’s this gay romance novel set in Elizabethan England and on the high seas. It’s pretty hot.
E.S.: Oh, that’s so cute.
FAUSTUS: What do you mean?
E.S.: Well, in real life, by the time these two guys reached the ages they’re supposed to look like, they would actually be bowlegged, haggard and wrinkled from the hardship of daily life, toothless from scurvy, and probably yellow and vomiting from malaria.
FAUSTUS: I hate you.
E.S.: It’s my responsibility to see that you don’t take an unrealistic view of history.
FAUSTUS: Get away from me.

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6 Responses to A week or two ago I found this book on my shelf and figured I

  1. derfina says:

    Way to suck the joy out of a fantasy, eh?

    Reply
  2. David says:

    How does one “find” a book on their bookshelf? Do the book fairies come in at night and leave surprises for you? Or are you such an A-List literary gay that people send you so many books that you can’t keep track of them all? In which case, I hate you.

    Reply
  3. derfina: Isn’t that what fianc├ęs are for?

    David: None of the above. For various reasons involving childhood trauma I have every book I’ve bought since the age of fourteen or fifteen. They are arranged on my bookshelves in so disorganized a fashion that “keeping track” isn’t even within the realm of possibility.

    Reply
  4. JamesR says:

    E.S. kills me – apologies to you Faustus but this is too funny for words!!!

    Reply
  5. TED says:

    My last experience with gay porn packaged as a tawdry romance novel was from a highly unfortunate series that was either called or written by a duo calling themselves the Romentics. It was badly written with characters no one could care about and thoroughly uncompelling sex scenes. If Fortunes of War is better, I may have to check it out.

    E.S. has a valid point, especially given that neither moisturizers nor sunscreen was in common use among the sailors of the day. The authors could have gotten around all that by setting the novel in the future: Fortunes of War — in Space.

    Reply
  6. initials says:

    Dearest Herr Doktor… Whilest I hate to say E.S. is right, one heartily approves your “romantic” bent of thought… I just finished reading “Teleny,” and found it an exemplary floridly filthy romp, much better than “The Story of O”. Now I’ll try your little novel, if I can find it. There’s nothing quite like the intersection between Elizabethan costume-porn, history and pirates, after all.

    Reply

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