Say no’ more.
Hey – my husband and I were prevented from divorcing each other by repeating the initial instructions, “It is advisory to be two people when assembling this furniture” as we put together a large piece of IKEA-ware. IKEA’s English translations are, I believe, done by the seventh-grade daughter of Sven in accounting.
Remember: there are several common reasons for divorce – money, religion, and flat-pack furniture assembly. Plan accordingly.
IKEA needs to be less confident about its punctuation.
Eats, shoots & leaves.
Logan: I know, right?
Jill: You left out “because your spouse is being incredibly annoying.”
Birdie: That’s certainly possible, though I’d prefer that they be just as confident but less incorrect.
Dan: Have we talked about the Louis Menand’s savaging of that book in the New Yorker?
ESL. Be kind, yet vigilant.
It is advisory to be two people
Failing that, I managed to put together my desk and bookcase with help from my cat.
The sad thing about this is that it’s quite possible that this was written by an American. It’s not as if we’ve all got punctuation down.
Faustus: We have, but although it does share the title of the popular book, in this instance I was using it solely for its popular use as an example of a misplaced comma. I place that sort of grammatical misdemeanor in the same group as improper apostrophes.
Ross: How about, “Say no mo’?”
God is punishing you for not resolving all your decorating needs on the 7th floor of Bergdorf Goodman. It’s where all the young, thrusting writers pick up their gewgaws – ask Carrie Bradshaw. (You do have her number, right…?)
The use of an extraneous apostrophe is not a misdemeanor. The people who routinely confuse “its” and “it’s,” along with everyone who uses the greengrocers’ plural, will be the first ones up against the wall when the revolution comes.
And what’s with the it/we? Are the people offering the warranties not IKEA? Why not just say “our products”?
Kevin and Andy: While the assembly instructions for Ikea products are clearly written by ESL speakers (if not ETL or EFL), I believe these signs to have been written by native speakers of English. I want to make a joke about this but it’s just too depressing.
Dan: Apparently Lynn Truss has published several more books since then. We’ll have to make sure to avoid them. Also, I don’t know whether Ross likes boys or girls, but if he likes boys then obviously the phrase is say no’ mo ho’mo.
Julian: How on earth did you know that “gewgaw” is one of my favorite words ever? Are you dating anybody these days? I might have to throw E.S. over for you.
TED: Actually, I think the first ones up against the wall will be the people who make their employees say “next guest” instead of “next customer.” Actually, I may not wait for the revolution.
TED: You are after my heart. Where do I sign up for this revolution?
Having seen many of IKEA’s products, I have to say their confidence is as misplaced as their apostrophe, bless their heart’s.
Have you heard of
I’ve considered forming my own chapter.
Come on, liberals, you’re missing the point. This is what happens when a dominant world power imposes its language on the rest of the world. Don’t be upset that your little colonial subjects haven’t adequately adapted to the language of the “master race” yet. Don’t worry! A few more centuries of world domination and they’ll all be speaking like they’re from Brooklyn.
Or indeed “sig’h!”
But the Dutch are such a pretty people.
And yet the photo is evidence that you actually patronized the establishment. And not in the “talked-down” to it sense, either.
Misplaced apostrophes are multiplying down south (and maybe elsewhere, too). While vacationing in North Carolina recently, I saw a hand-written sign at a restaurant with the day’s specials including French frie’s, mashed potatoe’s, green bean’s, butterbean’s and tomatoe’s. The horror!
Faustus, I blush. I am utterly single at present. But your offer is beyond the pale. I could not accept the prospect of our mutual delirium at the expense of your shared romantic idyll with ES.
As I seem incapable of talking anyone into bed at the moment, it hardly seems fair that I should seduce you away from a lifetime of anecdotal happiness and pleasure with a single word…
Birdie: Make sure you take a look at TED’s blog before you sign up.
Jeffrey: The trick is to buy the right products; 5% of their stuff actually looks totally fabulous. Sorry, fabulou’s.
Monica: Can I form a satellite chapter?
Christopher: Obviously you have lost your mind along with all that weight.
campbell: Now you’re starting to look like a bad fantasy novel.
Craig: Yes, but then after you’ve slept with them they go and white out apostrophes from your driver’s license.
David: See my note to Jeffrey.
Tana: French frie’s is particularly disheartening.
Julian: Thank God you haven’t read this post. Oh, wait.
the Dutch are indeed pretty; i can send you nude photos of my own personal favorite well-hung Dutch man. however, IKEA is Swedish.
“next guest” is nothing. i have worked retail, and always made sure to say, “I can help the next person…” my coworkers, and other retail clerks i have encountered since, almost all say “i can help who’s next.” this never fails to disturb me deeply.
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