September 12, 2006

From a conversation I had this morning with my therapist:

FAUSTUS: Yesterday I wrote a fan email to this singer I like in French and all I could think was, God, I wish my French were better.
DR. M.: But why?
FAUSTUS: Because then he would like me more. Which is important, because he’s really cute.
DR. M.: But don’t you think he’d be pleased? Pleased that you liked him enough to write, pleased at the compliments? And maybe admire you a little bit for being American but writing him in French?
FAUSTUS: Yes, but not as much as he admired somebody who wrote him in better French.
DR. M.: That’s an odd thought.
FAUSTUS: What planet are you from?
DR. M.: I see our time is up for today.

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16 Responses to From a conversation I had this morning with my therapist

  1. ubermensch says:

    Zut alors! Tant pis…

  2. Logan says:

    Which singer? Share.

  3. Aidan says:

    Ma petite cl� :

    Vous �tes hors de votre saucisse. Vous avez besoin certainement d’un docteur de bourrage. Votre Fran�ais est parmi le plus industriel moi a mang�. Cessez de s’inqui�ter et allez baise votre petit pain de l’amour.

    Votre ventilateur plein d’adoration,


  4. Chris says:

    you need a new therapist. no, really. a CBT one. (no joel, that does not stand for ‘cock and ball torture’)

  5. übermensch: I know!

    Logan: François Piolino.

    Aidan: Either you are au courant with a great deal of French slang I have never encountered or I want some of whatever you’re smoking.

    Chris: He was actually just kidding about the “our time is up” thing. He’s one of two therapists I’ve ever had who have had a sense of humor.

  6. will says:

    I totally get this. Frankly, whenever I write to you, I always have a dictionary and a Chicago Manual of Style nearby.

  7. anapestic says:

    I’m surprised to hear that you have a therapist.

    I was certain that there would be a whole team working on you.

  8. Aidan says:

    I wrote only to prove, by way of example, that your French is fine.

    To paraphrase:

    You beloved sausage: You certainly need a doctor of stuffing. Your French is among most industrial I have eaten. Quit fretting and go fuck your little love muffin. Your adoring cieling fan…

  9. Andy says:

    I’m actually looking for a therapist. Can you recommend someone else?

  10. Chris says:

    Chicago?! I’m a Harvard style man myself. There seems to be excessive mention of sausages and muffins and eating and food and stuff in these comments.

  11. Aidan says:

    My therapist suggested I work with someone else. She said it was because I wasn’t making any progress on my self-esteem issues…that I was constantly trying to buy the acceptance and love of those around me. And she said that by constantly bringing home-baked goods to my therapy appointments I had caused her to gain 17 pounds in six months.

    I don’t think she spoke French.

  12. copperred says:

    I’m the same way when I write my bank in Swizerland. I just feel so much more sophisticated and well dashing, writing it in French. Now though my French is so awful I feel ugly and don’t want to try it in English.

  13. G�rard says:


    whenever you want to improve your French, free lessons for you. Il suffit de demander. Piolino is indeed quite pinauculmettable. Les voix de t�nor me font ….

    coppered, you could very well write your bank in SWIZERLAND in Swahili seeing as that country does not exist so the mail will never get there.

    To all: Saucisse is slang often used for dick.

  14. Eric says:

    This is why I choose to confide in the only therapist for me. His name is Jose Cuervo.

  15. David says:

    I would think “that’s an odd thought” would be a rather redundant observation to make in your therapy sessions at this point in time.

  16. Todd says:

    Come on people! Enough of making light about Joel’s therapy, this is a weighty issue with a lot of gravitas; it should not be addressed with lighthearted quips, comedy and laughter. I mean what if everybody who was seeing a shrink all of a sudden started seeing humor and levity in everything? It would be a disaster, the downfall of an entire industry!! It’s depressing even thinking about it. 😉


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