Note to self: in the future, when suffering from early morning insomnia, do not travel west. If you do, time zone changes will lead you to find yourself sitting awake at the local time of 3:00 a.m., unable by hook or by crook to fall back asleep. You will not be able to call your boyfriend for at least another two hours; in the meantime you will work yourself slowly but surely into a passion of self-recrimination and fear. You will try to ward this off by watching the DVD of Bring It On Again, the straight-to-video sequel to Bring It On, but, inexplicably, the attempt will fail. You will end up reading but not taking in Steve Martin’s very funny piece about Mel Gibson’s Passion of the Christ in The New Yorker, a magazine you don’t usually read because it makes you feel ignorant, while you eat muffin after sugar-filled muffin and wait for the rest of the house to wake up so you can eat more muffins with them and then spend all day avoiding the scale because you really don’t want to know how much weight you have put on and not calling your boyfriend because you don’t want him to know how much weight you have put on either, though of course he’ll find out soon enough when he sees you.
The solution to all this would naturally be to travel east by a couple of time zones. Unfortunately, implementing this plan would land me smack dab in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, where insomnia would be the least of my problems.
Well if you travelled east and then south you cuold be in the caribbean or even in south america…
You. Need. To. Stop. Obsessing. About. Your. Weight.
Studies show that people who are trying to limit calories invariably wind up consuming more food than people who are just trying to make more healthy food choices.
If you ate 12 muffins, each with 400 calories, you could not have gained more than a pound and a half, anyway.
Am I going to have to tie you down and make you read Geneen Roth?
If you ever have to give your powers to other people. I want the worrying.
Just travel so far east that you end up circling the globe (almost) and end up on the West Coast. Go jogging in the temperate climate to work off those muffins (though I’ve a feeling you’re obsessing over… well… nothing). Then, since the bf is three hours ahead of you, ring him, confident that he’s awake and well into his day.
But the cost of plane tickets will rape you. Whoops.
Iceland. Or Greenland. Yes, somehow, I see you in Kulusuk.