May 02, 2006
A few years ago I wrote a couple of posts about being filmed in my first (and so far only) porn movie.
In the second of these posts, I revealed the porn name that I had chosen. I did not use the standard Name of First Pet/Name of Street Where You Grew Up algorithm (though, to be honest, doing so would have resulted in the terrific porn name Stan Savage); it was simply the inspiration of the moment. However, I have just gone back and removed it from the post, because yesterday inspiration struck much more powerfully and I have now come up with a porn name for myself that is quite possibly the most brilliant thing I will ever do and I should just kill myself now because it'll all be downhill from here.
And the name is:
Toby Defarge.
"Toby" is the bottomest name I can think of. And "Defarge" of course is the name of the woman in A Tale of Two Cities who works her enemies' names into her knitting, thereby dooming them to the guillotine.
Bottoming, knitting, and revenge. If only there were a way to add chocolate to the mix, I really would have distilled my very essence into a name, at which point I would probably never be able to reveal it to anybody for fear that, by using it, s/he would gain power over my very soul.
Of course, this is all moot anyway, unless I can persuade E.S. to appear in a porn movie with me.
Okay, I know what I'm asking for for my birthday next year.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 05:58 AM
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Comments
1) Uncle Zoloft said (on 05/ 2/06 at 07:32 AM):
Faustus becomes a home owner and pays the mortage with homemade porn ~ this is going to be as much fun to watch as Lucy and Ethel in the chocolate factory.
2) will said (on 05/ 2/06 at 09:15 AM):
Toby McGuire is on line 3...he'd like a word with you.
3) Adam875 said (on 05/ 2/06 at 09:56 AM):
I'm not sure what's weirder - that you had a pet named Stan or that you grew up on Savage Street.
4) Kenny said (on 05/ 2/06 at 09:59 AM):
Toby Skor Defarge. The addition of a middle name is great for two reasons: first, Skor is a chocolate bar, so mission accomplished on that front. Also, Skor is a homophone for "score," which carries strong sexual overtones.
The only thing I'm unsure of is whether a middle name is acceptable in the world of porn.
5) John said (on 05/ 2/06 at 11:20 AM):
Personally, I think Stan Savage is better. But that's just me.
What would E.S.'s porn name be??
6) anapestic said (on 05/ 2/06 at 11:45 AM):
I'm sure that the scene where you're turning a heel while taking one (or two) for La République will bring tears to our eyes.
7) Ruby said (on 05/ 2/06 at 03:07 PM):
So if E.S. doesn't participate in it, you won't do another one? *Shocked* Where did the old Faustus go?
Are you saying this willingly or because the bf has put his foot down? ;)
8) goblinbox said (on 05/ 2/06 at 05:19 PM):
You truly are a genius!
9) tralfaz said (on 05/ 2/06 at 10:19 PM):
Hmmm.... The Tail of Two Cities. Toby Defarge works his enemies over, thereby dooming them to the guillotine.
10) Dave said (on 05/ 2/06 at 11:11 PM):
I'd like to preorder a copy, please. In fact, I'll take two.
11) campbell said (on 05/ 3/06 at 05:51 AM):
Nah! Toby Defarge is far, far too foofy for a nom de porn. If, on the other hand you were looking to work as an interior decorator.....
12) Uncle Zoloft said (on 05/ 3/06 at 06:57 AM):
Now Savage Defarge would really work as a porn star name.
Faustus, with a buzz cut, some tatoos and a few scars you'll be ready to go
Scene 1:
Savage Defarge sits naked amongst the Spanish Moss knitting a thong for his next gig at Splash. His attention is diverted to a student of psychology sunbathing while going over the works of Jung. [Savage looks into the lens and smiles like a Cheshire Cat, ready to plunge.]
13) Jeff said (on 05/ 3/06 at 11:12 AM):
Wait, how much did you get paid for the gig?
14) Anono.Blogger ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.joelderfner.com/blog/nav-commenters.gif)
said (on 05/ 3/06 at 05:05 PM):
I would be "Bala Dahlgreen" and that sucks. I want a new name.
15) Jill Smith said (on 05/ 3/06 at 09:23 PM):
What, not Toby Godiva Defarge or Toby Defarge Ghirardelli?
16) Anonymous said (on 05/ 4/06 at 01:17 PM):
My pet/street name is Lulu Winston. Much sexier than Velma Biggers. I just may have to get a name change.
17) Eric said (on 05/ 4/06 at 05:22 PM):
Wow. That is a lot of thought. I usually just go with the traditional, which results in my becoming: Skunk Carter.
It's kind of more like a mob hitman name, I think.
18) Johnboy said (on 05/ 5/06 at 07:30 AM):
Will your Colt Men calendar be available at more discriminating newsagents in time for Christmas? Goodie, that's my shopping done!
19) Patrick M said (on 05/ 7/06 at 05:04 PM):
With bottoming, isn't chocolate always in the mix?
20) Sin said (on 05/ 8/06 at 10:55 AM):
The problem with my using the drag queen algorithm is that having grown up in a Third World country, I'd probably sound even MORE like a terrorist than I do now.
Then again, my first pet's name was "Tricks". Which as I'm sure you can imagine, would lend itself to any number of images.
21) Will C. said (on 05/ 8/06 at 11:54 AM):
My porn name -- according to your given algorithm -- is "Fluffy Partridge".
Hardly a top's name. I protest!
-- W
22) Mel said (on 05/ 9/06 at 02:37 AM):
I learned that pet/street was for drag & HS mascot/first car was for porn. For the former, I'm Bootsie Ponderosa - which means I'd have to do Patsy Cline numbers, cowgirl boots with fringe. For the latter, I'm Ram Nova (perfect, no?), but I do not expect to be getting any calls from the studios.
23) Frank said (on 05/15/06 at 08:59 PM):
Nice to see you've kept the original first name.
24) Kit said (on 09/26/06 at 04:18 AM):
I'd go with Toby "Fudge" deFarge
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