A few years ago I wrote a couple of posts about being filmed in my first (and so far only) porn movie.
In the second of these posts, I revealed the porn name that I had chosen. I did not use the standard Name of First Pet/Name of Street Where You Grew Up algorithm (though, to be honest, doing so would have resulted in the terrific porn name Stan Savage); it was simply the inspiration of the moment. However, I have just gone back and removed it from the post, because yesterday inspiration struck much more powerfully and I have now come up with a porn name for myself that is quite possibly the most brilliant thing I will ever do and I should just kill myself now because it’ll all be downhill from here.
And the name is:
“Toby” is the bottomest name I can think of. And “Defarge” of course is the name of the woman in A Tale of Two Cities who works her enemies’ names into her knitting, thereby dooming them to the guillotine.
Bottoming, knitting, and revenge. If only there were a way to add chocolate to the mix, I really would have distilled my very essence into a name, at which point I would probably never be able to reveal it to anybody for fear that, by using it, s/he would gain power over my very soul.
Of course, this is all moot anyway, unless I can persuade E.S. to appear in a porn movie with me.
Okay, I know what I’m asking for for my birthday next year.
Faustus becomes a home owner and pays the mortage with homemade porn ~ this is going to be as much fun to watch as Lucy and Ethel in the chocolate factory.
Toby McGuire is on line 3…he’d like a word with you.
I’m not sure what’s weirder – that you had a pet named Stan or that you grew up on Savage Street.
Toby Skor Defarge. The addition of a middle name is great for two reasons: first, Skor is a chocolate bar, so mission accomplished on that front. Also, Skor is a homophone for “score,” which carries strong sexual overtones.
The only thing I’m unsure of is whether a middle name is acceptable in the world of porn.
Personally, I think Stan Savage is better. But that’s just me.
What would E.S.’s porn name be??
I’m sure that the scene where you’re turning a heel while taking one (or two) for La République will bring tears to our eyes.
So if E.S. doesn’t participate in it, you won’t do another one? *Shocked* Where did the old Faustus go?
Are you saying this willingly or because the bf has put his foot down? 😉
You truly are a genius!
Hmmm…. The Tail of Two Cities. Toby Defarge works his enemies over, thereby dooming them to the guillotine.
I’d like to preorder a copy, please. In fact, I’ll take two.
Nah! Toby Defarge is far, far too foofy for a nom de porn. If, on the other hand you were looking to work as an interior decorator…..
Now Savage Defarge would really work as a porn star name.
Faustus, with a buzz cut, some tatoos and a few scars you’ll be ready to go
Savage Defarge sits naked amongst the Spanish Moss knitting a thong for his next gig at Splash. His attention is diverted to a student of psychology sunbathing while going over the works of Jung. [Savage looks into the lens and smiles like a Cheshire Cat, ready to plunge.]
Wait, how much did you get paid for the gig?
I would be “Bala Dahlgreen” and that sucks. I want a new name.
What, not Toby Godiva Defarge or Toby Defarge Ghirardelli?
My pet/street name is Lulu Winston. Much sexier than Velma Biggers. I just may have to get a name change.
Wow. That is a lot of thought. I usually just go with the traditional, which results in my becoming: Skunk Carter.
It’s kind of more like a mob hitman name, I think.
Will your Colt Men calendar be available at more discriminating newsagents in time for Christmas? Goodie, that’s my shopping done!
With bottoming, isn’t chocolate always in the mix?
The problem with my using the drag queen algorithm is that having grown up in a Third World country, I’d probably sound even MORE like a terrorist than I do now.
Then again, my first pet’s name was “Tricks”. Which as I’m sure you can imagine, would lend itself to any number of images.
My porn name — according to your given algorithm — is “Fluffy Partridge”.
Hardly a top’s name. I protest!
I learned that pet/street was for drag & HS mascot/first car was for porn. For the former, I’m Bootsie Ponderosa – which means I’d have to do Patsy Cline numbers, cowgirl boots with fringe. For the latter, I’m Ram Nova (perfect, no?), but I do not expect to be getting any calls from the studios.
Nice to see you’ve kept the original first name.
I’d go with Toby “Fudge” deFarge
I can’t believe I’m only just seeing this post for the first time! Although we spell it differently- this is what I found googling myself. This made my day.
(Regarding working chocolate into it, some time in college I ended up with the nickname “Toblerone,” so there you go)