Oh, all right, all right.
I have been avoiding telling the story of my entry into porn simply because it’s so boring. But since certain people evidently won’t be satisfied until I’ve, um, spilled everything, here goes.
In surfing the web, I came across this web site for a company that makes amateur porn videos. I e-mailed the proprietor with a picture and vital statistics. He e-mailed me back and we set up an audition at which he would film me naked and jerking off.
I went to meet him in Brooklyn. (I know, I know, this is the search for love in Manhattan, but cut me a little slack.) I filled out some paperwork saying I am over eighteen, etc., etc., and listing what I like to do in bed and what I won’t do. Then I took my clothes off and he started filming me naked and jerking off. This didn’t last very long, as you might imagine, as shortly after I’d started jerking off he took his pants off and we had sex (with the camera off—perhaps he’s shy).
Evidently I gave a good audition, because the last part of the afternoon involved selecting a porn name. I had no idea that I would get to do this, and I can’t tell you how fabulously exciting it was. It was so exciting, in fact, that I’m going to break the convention I’ve set up on this blog and tell you the actual name: [redacted].
Good heavens. I feel like I’ve just been glimpsed in my lingerie or something.
Now, here is a mind-numbingly dull question for the more computer-savvy among you. I have been tracking hits to this blog on geocounter.net. A few days ago, when Time Warner Cable disconnected my service because of the move, geocounter stopped registering any hits. I assume this has something to do with the fact that I am now connecting through a dial-up AOL connection. I have two questions: first, is there a way to get geocounter to register hits that come between now and the time my service is reconnected, on July 10? And second, assuming I’m assigned a different static IP when my service is reconnected, is there a way to tell my geocounter account to keep track of that IP? (If the mere fact that I am asking these questions demonstrates my complete idiocy, I hope you will forgive me.) I of course am freaking out because I had gotten up to 807 unique IPs having visited my blog, and I was very excited at the thought of reaching 1,000—and now that number has presumably passed, and I missed it.
I’m devastated.
What am I going to do without being able to assure myself every day that people love me, and measure exactly how much, and be miserable and despondent if they fall short of the goals I set for them without telling them?
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