July 2, 2002

Oh, all right, all right.

I have been avoiding telling the story of my entry into porn simply because it’s so boring. But since certain people evidently won’t be satisfied until I’ve, um, spilled everything, here goes.

In surfing the web, I came across this web site for a company that makes amateur porn videos. I e-mailed the proprietor with a picture and vital statistics. He e-mailed me back and we set up an audition at which he would film me naked and jerking off.

I went to meet him in Brooklyn. (I know, I know, this is the search for love in Manhattan, but cut me a little slack.) I filled out some paperwork saying I am over eighteen, etc., etc., and listing what I like to do in bed and what I won’t do. Then I took my clothes off and he started filming me naked and jerking off. This didn’t last very long, as you might imagine, as shortly after I’d started jerking off he took his pants off and we had sex (with the camera off—perhaps he’s shy).

Evidently I gave a good audition, because the last part of the afternoon involved selecting a porn name. I had no idea that I would get to do this, and I can’t tell you how fabulously exciting it was. It was so exciting, in fact, that I’m going to break the convention I’ve set up on this blog and tell you the actual name: [redacted].

Good heavens. I feel like I’ve just been glimpsed in my lingerie or something.

Now, here is a mind-numbingly dull question for the more computer-savvy among you. I have been tracking hits to this blog on geocounter.net. A few days ago, when Time Warner Cable disconnected my service because of the move, geocounter stopped registering any hits. I assume this has something to do with the fact that I am now connecting through a dial-up AOL connection. I have two questions: first, is there a way to get geocounter to register hits that come between now and the time my service is reconnected, on July 10? And second, assuming I’m assigned a different static IP when my service is reconnected, is there a way to tell my geocounter account to keep track of that IP? (If the mere fact that I am asking these questions demonstrates my complete idiocy, I hope you will forgive me.) I of course am freaking out because I had gotten up to 807 unique IPs having visited my blog, and I was very excited at the thought of reaching 1,000—and now that number has presumably passed, and I missed it.

I’m devastated.

What am I going to do without being able to assure myself every day that people love me, and measure exactly how much, and be miserable and despondent if they fall short of the goals I set for them without telling them?

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11 Responses to Oh, all right, all right.

  1. gary says:

    need a fluffer?

  2. ah the truth comes out and…well….i guess the anticipation alone didn’t do the story justice….it’s like hearing that titanic has won 10 oscars (or however many they won) and then watching it and realizing that the movie is a piece of crap….not that you are crap my love….but it’s that anticipation factor ya know….

    I use Sitemeter for my hits counting….I like it….although I would be interested in knowing the unique visitors…of course many of them are thinking my site has naked pictures of the olsen twins on it.,…

  3. wKen says:

    If you plan on maintaining your blog, and you have a few extra dollars a month, I would recommend that you get some server space of your own and move off of BlogSpot. I use BlogoMania and MovableType, but there are plenty of others that offer cheap rates aimed at bloggers. You have a fan at eastwest.nu that might offer you a good deal.

    You should consider it, as you’ll get a more stable site with many expanded options, and more statistics about who visits your site than you can digest.

    You have a gift for writing, so keep it up.

  4. wKen says:

    You should consider leaving BlogSpot for some server space of your own. I use BlogoMania, but there are plenty of services out there aimed at bloggers that are cheap and much better.

    You have a fan at eastwest.nu that might offer you a deal. Wherever you land, moving to your own server and maybe better software like MovableType will give you many more options and more data about who visits your site than you can ever digest.

    You’ve got a real gift for this, and I think that your writing deserves a better home.

  5. Adam807 says:

    I don’t understand…what does the counter have to do with where YOU log on from? Isn’t it counting US? If so, why does it matter if you (or we) are dialing up or cabling?

  6. Adam807 says:

    I wonder how the real Tony Robbins would feel about this?

  7. Chig says:

    But Adam, why would TONY care about someone called TOBY?

  8. Adam807 says:

    Oh, my bad. I misread. Isn’t Tony Robbins’ website creepy though?

  9. Choire says:

    Baby, you can totally live on my site. Want a tawdry home?

    (And get sitemeter. it’s free. http://www.sitemeter.com)

  10. Pingback: The Search for Love in Manhattan

  11. Daniel says:

    Was he cute?


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