First order of business: I must add him, him, and her to the list of people to whom I owe a debt of gratitude for their boundless generosity in suggesting publicity avenues for my upcoming book. I would offer you all free sex, even the girl, but my boyfriend has forbidden me.
Second order of business: everyone must go here to see the 50s movie Are You Popular?, a brilliant coup de cinéma that has forced me to reevaluate my entire approach to socializing. Evidently my parking in cars with the boys at night, which I had previously thought was the key to popularity, has actually been getting in my way the whole time. Thanks to her for the link. I would offer you free sex, but it wouldn’t make any sense.
Third order of business: as of yesterday, I am New York Sports Club’s newest group fitness instructor. Hardly surprising, given my recent triumph, but pleasing nonetheless. I’ll be teaching this Saturday at 23rd and Park at 9:30 (step) and 10:30 (sculpt), if anybody wants to come by. I would offer you free sex, but I can’t imagine any of you will be up before noon.