The other day, E.S. and I saw a commercial for an upcoming NBC show called Next Action Hero. Instantly I realized that this whole “musical theater composer” thing had been a big mistake, and that my true calling was to be an action hero in Hollywood movies. After all, I learned how to do a back handspring at the age of 30; what feats of greater dexterity or stamina could possibly be required in an NBC movie called Hit Me?
E.S. was somewhat dubious when I expressed to him my soul’s new desire.
“Okay,” he said. “Say this as if you were in an action movie: ‘EVERYBODY TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS!'”
I assumed a very butch body position and shouted, “EVERYBODY TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS!”
We both agreed that I would be the best gay action hero in a gay action movie around.
well luckily for you, the new all-gay channel is about the be launched, and apparently they have a whole slew of “gay-action-hero” movies planned. hey, i read it on Salon.
Depends on what kind of “Action’ it is, actually.
On the bus, hrm, kinky.
Did you ever know that you’re my gay action hero?
But you see the beauty don’t you … every action hero needs a “cover” job in the real world. Batman was a rich millionaire, Superman is a reporter, Spiderman is a photographer. You’ve got the composer thing.
I love E.S. – he’s fantastic for you
Do you mean the “correct” side of the bus?
having read the archives am in awe of your writing…in horrible fear of misspelling…in like with all lovely things and deeds faustian
You are much better than one of my gay friends. His very butch body position would only make him the best female action hero in a female action movie.
And, damnit, I am only butch enough to be the action hero’s sidekick’s chef’s gay son.