May 09, 2004
The other day, E.S. and I saw a commercial for an upcoming NBC show called Next Action Hero. Instantly I realized that this whole "musical theater composer" thing had been a big mistake, and that my true calling was to be an action hero in Hollywood movies. After all, I learned how to do a back handspring at the age of 30; what feats of greater dexterity or stamina could possibly be required in an NBC movie called Hit Me?
E.S. was somewhat dubious when I expressed to him my soul's new desire.
"Okay," he said. "Say this as if you were in an action movie: 'EVERYBODY TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS!'"
I assumed a very butch body position and shouted, "EVERYBODY TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS!"
We both agreed that I would be the best gay action hero in a gay action movie around.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 05:00 PM
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Comments
1) ryan said (on 05/10/04 at 12:20 PM):
well luckily for you, the new all-gay channel is about the be launched, and apparently they have a whole slew of "gay-action-hero" movies planned. hey, i read it on Salon.
2) Wayne said (on 05/10/04 at 04:31 PM):
Depends on what kind of "Action' it is, actually.
On the bus, hrm, kinky.
3) Jeff said (on 05/10/04 at 09:28 PM):
Did you ever know that you're my gay action hero?
4) bob said (on 05/11/04 at 11:48 AM):
But you see the beauty don't you ... every action hero needs a "cover" job in the real world. Batman was a rich millionaire, Superman is a reporter, Spiderman is a photographer. You've got the composer thing.
5) Patrick M said (on 05/12/04 at 12:27 AM):
I love E.S. - he's fantastic for you
6) CF said (on 05/12/04 at 12:07 PM):
Do you mean the "correct" side of the bus?
7) martina said (on 05/13/04 at 04:49 AM):
having read the archives am in awe of your writing...in horrible fear of misspelling...in like with all lovely things and deeds faustian
thank you
8) Jalal said (on 05/14/04 at 05:46 PM):
You are much better than one of my gay friends. His very butch body position would only make him the best female action hero in a female action movie.
And, damnit, I am only butch enough to be the action hero's sidekick's chef's gay son.
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