May 9, 2004

The other day, E.S. and I saw a commercial for an upcoming NBC show called Next Action Hero. Instantly I realized that this whole “musical theater composer” thing had been a big mistake, and that my true calling was to be an action hero in Hollywood movies. After all, I learned how to do a back handspring at the age of 30; what feats of greater dexterity or stamina could possibly be required in an NBC movie called Hit Me?

E.S. was somewhat dubious when I expressed to him my soul’s new desire.

“Okay,” he said. “Say this as if you were in an action movie: ‘EVERYBODY TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS!'”

I assumed a very butch body position and shouted, “EVERYBODY TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS!”

We both agreed that I would be the best gay action hero in a gay action movie around.

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8 Responses to The other day, E.S. and

  1. ryan says:

    well luckily for you, the new all-gay channel is about the be launched, and apparently they have a whole slew of “gay-action-hero” movies planned. hey, i read it on Salon.

  2. Wayne says:

    Depends on what kind of “Action’ it is, actually.

    On the bus, hrm, kinky.

  3. Jeff says:

    Did you ever know that you’re my gay action hero?

  4. bob says:

    But you see the beauty don’t you … every action hero needs a “cover” job in the real world. Batman was a rich millionaire, Superman is a reporter, Spiderman is a photographer. You’ve got the composer thing.

  5. Patrick M says:

    I love E.S. – he’s fantastic for you

  6. CF says:

    Do you mean the “correct” side of the bus?

  7. martina says:

    having read the archives am in awe of your writing…in horrible fear of misspelling…in like with all lovely things and deeds faustian

    thank you

  8. Jalal says:

    You are much better than one of my gay friends. His very butch body position would only make him the best female action hero in a female action movie.

    And, damnit, I am only butch enough to be the action hero’s sidekick’s chef’s gay son.


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