June 14, 2003

N.B.: I’ll be posting twice today. This is the first.

Two short lists, based on my experiences yesterday, my first full day as a cripple:

Things I Can’t Do With my Arm in a Splint and Sling

1. button my shorts.
2. tie my shoes.

Things I Can Do With my Arm in a Splint and Sling

1. go to step aerobics class.
2. get fucked up the ass.

Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

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17 Responses to N.B.: I'll be posting twice

  1. jen says:

    If your are lucky #1 on can’t do could lead to #2 on can do. Way to turn lemons into lemonade. Yum.

  2. Pam says:

    See, there’s always a silver lining…

  3. D.R. says:

    You also can’t cut your food into bite-sized pieces.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Maybe you’ll get fucked up the ass more now that you’re in a splint. The guys will feel sorry for you and want to make the boo boo feel better. šŸ˜‰

  5. Jeff says:

    I say play the sympathy card for all it’s worth if it gets you laid….

  6. Chris says:

    Dude, I’m just glad you can still type.

    Has this affected your daily masturbation routine? Maybe you can ask for help with that.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Anyone who plays the sympathy card to get laid is probably either too desperate or too easy.

  8. Chris, so far the splint has gotten me more action than I’ve seen in . . . well, in hours, so I have yet to discover the answer to your question. Anonymous #7, clearly you have not been reading my blog for long, or you would know that I redefine the term “too easy.”

  9. Convivia says:

    Re: hand — OW!

    Re: Can-do #2 — This is where the gymnastics training helps, yes? I remember that when I had a broken wrist, it was very hard for me to do anything normally accomplished on all fours on all threes.

  10. Anonymous #7 says:

    I actually have been reading your blog for more than a year and I knew you might say something like that, Faustus. Polar to Jeff’s “sympathy card” hypothesis I think you have a mind, wit, and personality to charm and delight any man into dropping his pants and designer underwear and taking you to bed. Either way, enjoy the steady thump against your cheeks.

  11. Anonymous #7, what would it take to charm you into dropping your pants and designer underwear, etc.? You obviously have discerning taste.

  12. Akasha says:

    I’d like to know if reacharounds are still in the picture..

  13. Thom says:

    Based on your report, I was briefly tempted to attempt to break one of my own fingers, but with my luck it would turn gangrenous… and while there probably exists someone with a fetish even for that, I realized my own desperation does have limits.

  14. Wayne says:

    “Anyone who plays the sympathy card to get laid is probably either too desperate or too easy” – Oh My Gawd, Martha – You totally got me there. When I was in 6th Gradue, I purpose fall off the swing and….and then this guy came… and…. and then we…. and…. and then… you know… .THAT!! THAT!!!!

    yea right.

  15. Anonymous #7 says:

    I’m not sure if that’s an invitation, Faustus. Are you trying to get in my pants? Probably not.

    I only wanted to point out that you don’t need to play sympathy cards. From the way you portray yourself I think your personality and wit are enough. And before I lose anymore sleep over this, goodnight.

  16. Hmmm Faustus never asked me to drop my designer underwear…at least not in the past three months šŸ™‚

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