February 27, 2003
Last night I finally had my date with the guy who responded to my Drip profile and then stood me up.
It was a mildly extraordinary event. We hit it off: we laughed, we joked, we scorned people, we talked about opera and Miss Manners, we discovered that I knew his roommate, who had actually tried unsuccessfully to set us up at one point, we had a generally fabulous time.
And I wasn't attracted to him at all.
Not that he wasn't an attractive fellow; quite the contrary—handsome in a very manly, wholesome way. But there wasn't a single spark of physical chemistry between us.
I have no idea what to do. I can't very well e-mail him and say, hey, it was great to meet you, I'm not attracted to you, let's be friends but in a completely nonromantic way.
Of course, he hasn't e-mailed me either, so maybe he feels the same way.
Or maybe he just hated me.
Posted by Faustus, MD at 11:31 PM
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Comments
1) Fish said (on 02/28/03 at 12:00 PM):
I highly doubt he hated you. Simply impossible. He's a man. He's taking his man time to write. It's the rules, right?
2) goddess said (on 02/28/03 at 12:20 PM):
Give it a little time! How about "getting to know each other" before you decide if you are attracted or not? I know I'm old-fashioned, but I reccomend at least three dates before you go jumping to conclusions. Especially if you like him.
3) goddess said (on 02/28/03 at 12:20 PM):
Give it a little time! How about "getting to know each other" before you decide if you are attracted or not? I know I'm old-fashioned, but I reccomend at least three dates before you go jumping to conclusions. Especially if you like him.
4) mike said (on 02/28/03 at 12:39 PM):
I'm with goddess. When I first met my partner, there was no physical spark. In fact - in a truly radical break with convention - we slept together every night for over a week before we first had sex. We'll have been together 18 years in April.
I hope this doesn't make me sound like one of those strange True Love Waits people you have over your side of the pond...
5) sam said (on 02/28/03 at 01:58 PM):
Yeah, do give it time. This damn city and it's "I don't have time to get to know you, so I'll make a snap judgement" approach to dating. Don't you have lots of time on your hands now? Or are you only attracted to guys you loathe?
6) Convivia said (on 02/28/03 at 02:23 PM):
I don't know if one always feels a "spark" right away. That's the reason for ye olde-fashioned dating customes, you know? People get to know each other over a couple of dates and then they either leap into bed like crazed weasels, or they never see each other again.
Worked for me and my lovely husband.
7) Nat said (on 02/28/03 at 02:46 PM):
I'm normally one of those 'jump into bed like crazed weasels on the first date if it feels right' kinda gal, but in this case...well, he just sounds so perfect for you--a partner in crime and someone to giggle with, and even his room-mate thought there was potential!
I say wait and see if he emails you and if he does, then give him at least another chance/date.
Nat
8) marquito said (on 02/28/03 at 08:44 PM):
All my dates after I turned 19 or 20 have been like this. No physical chemistry. I completely understand having nothing to attract you to a date. It's pretty sad, actually. Anyway, just tell him you'd like to be friends if he happens to write you; tell him he's a really nice guy and you had a great time on the date, but you don't have sexual feelings for him. Do you have any indication that telling him that would crush him? Did he seem to be into you?
9) marquito said (on 02/28/03 at 08:51 PM):
Wait a minute! This guy stood you up!! What was his excuse and how did he make up to you?!
10) Patrick said (on 02/28/03 at 09:51 PM):
Notwithstanding the Jane Austenite desires of others, I say go with your gut - you will know deep down if there is any potential between you. Your first response is not necessarily the most accurate one, although you seem pretty strong to me, but given that your crappy weekend may have affected your faith in yourself and humanity, try this patented technique: Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you feel you would like it to go any further. The answer will be crystal.
11) jeffrey said (on 03/ 3/03 at 01:27 PM):
everyone is saying give it time. but if you're not attracted to him how are you ever going to enjoy sex? i'm in the exact same boat. met a guy last night from a personal ad. he's the only one i replied to ever. seems totally cool and interesting but he's not my type. it's a problem that my type is construction workers and lumberjackers. i *could* fake it for the sake of getting some with an interesting person. but why? now i have to make the call/email that basically says you're interesting but i'm shasllow and don't like how you look. uhh what to do?
jeffrey
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