October 11, 2011

I recently bought a new computer and am using the occasion as an opportunity to organize my files. I have documents of all kinds all over my hard drive, and in going through them to figure out how many duplicates I have of how many drafts of how many ideas so that I can eventually set up a system that makes sense, I have come across any number of things I have no memory of writing. Here, for example, are the first three stanzas of a something I thankfully never finished.

Once upon a Tuesday dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a dull and dim expense report I’d seen before,
Dreaming then of Marrakesh or Rome, I felt a sudden pressure.
Thought I, “Time for a refresher?” peering at my boss’s door.
“Yes,” the answer; then I, standing, tiptoed by my boss’s door.
(Lush the carpet on the floor!)

Down the hall my steps went ringing, till I reached the chamber; flinging
Off my coat, I braved the swinging of the horrid metal door.
As I sat upon the shrine erected, scent all fresh and piny,
Quick I caught a vision tiny not too far above the floor.
Leaning over, curious, I saw three feet above the floor
Something I’d not seen before.

‘Twas an op’ning, small and rounded, in rough edges strictly bounded.
By its glory all astounded, I knew not what it was for.
Came a finger softly creeping through the puncture, gently sweeping
Left and right–I, quiet keeping, tapped my foot upon the floor.
Loud the echo in the silence of my foot upon the floor.
“What,” I thought, “is now in store?”

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3 Responses to I Recently Bought A New

  1. Lucas says:

    Finish it. Like, now. That shit is priceless.

  2. Alex says:

    What did you name your hard drive?

  3. Joel Derfner says:

    Lucas, if I ever take it up again, you’ll be the first to know.

    Alex, I haven’t named it yet. Any suggestions?


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