July 21, 2011

My brilliant cousin has begun a blog at maddadzblog.com/blog. I would describe it myself but I think he gets it better than I would:

So now that I’m knee deep in kids and chicks and debt and pain and Rogaine, I figured it’s about time I reconnected with the universe I now find myself buried in – the world of formerly cool fathers who are now nothing more than a mini-van away from giving up any vestiges of the testicles they once held so dear.

Face it, fellas, you’re never going to convince yourself or the other loser dads that you’re really happy in this new life that requires you to go to sleep at 8:30 pm and walk the dog before the sun comes up so you can show up on time at the job that pays your wife’s tanning bills. You long for the days that you woke up at noon with a pocketful of bar tabs, a railroad spike in the middle of your forehead and a vomit-stained cheerleader snoring at the foot of your bed. Hate to tell ya, though–it’s over, dude, and you, like me, are pissed off about it.

The good news is that we’ll now have a place to gather and commiserate over our receding hairlines, disappearing bank accounts, and rapidly diminishing testosterone counts. We’re Mad Dadz and the world will know our pain. I’ll write about my life and you can respond with your vitriolic, poorly written, grammatically incorrect comments. The world won’t give a shit about us and we’ll still end up driving our miserable, sniveling brats to 30% of their play dates but………but…….um……there is no “but”, we’re fu**ed no matter how you slice it.

It’s difficult for me to imagine that there are too many straight dads in their forties reading my blog, but perhaps you know one you can pass this on to.

My favorite is the bit about vitriolic, poorly written, grammatically incorrect comments, but you knew that already.

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4 Responses to My Brilliant Cousin Has Begun

  1. Andrew says:

    The pleasure that I get from hearing something other than gushing parental praise for their precocious offspring who are probably spoiling the serenity of my latte, is nothing compared to the shear joy of seeing the ur-Faustus post two days in a row (I can’t bring myself to abandon the use of your moniker entirely, and ur-Faustus seemed an appropriate description of your return to your more elemental self…)

  2. anapestic says:

    Your cousin hyphenated nonplussed and used it to mean its exact opposite. He did this in a post about your (I assume) wedding. I guess he really is straight.

  3. Chris says:

    so anyhoo…

    are you gonna get married in new york joel, now that u can?

  4. Joel Derfner says:

    Andrew, I’ll show you my ur-Faustus any time you want.

    anapestic, it’s true, but deep down he’s actually a nice guy.

    Chris, I don’t think so–since I already got married in Iowa, NY marriage was sort of irrelevant to me, because the only acceptable next step is federal marriage.


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