December 28, 2010

Why is it that superheroes never get the real villains?

Like, why hasn’t Superman grabbed Karl Rove, taken him up to the highest crag of the loneliest reach of the farthest mountain and left him there naked?

Why doesn’t Batman beat John Boehner to a bloody pulp and throw him off a roof?

Really, Spider-Man? Mary Jane? How about wrapping all the Blue Dog Democrats in a web instead so that they have to be replaced by actual people with actual souls who actually care about their constituencies?

Fucking Mary Jane.

Or what if Wonder Woman just threw her magic lasso around every single politician in Washington and then real journalists, not the fake journalists in the White House briefing room but real journalists, asked them questions and they had to tell the truth?

Enough with this Lex Luthor jive. Go after the real bad guys.

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3 Responses to Why is it that superheroes never get the real villains

  1. matt says:

    First up: why are there apparently no other comments on this post? What’s up around here?

    Second: (and I know you understand this completely) superheroes are trapped in the unreal, having to waste their fictional time battling equally fictional enemies.

    If Superman really existed he might well kick Karl Rove’s ass all over Metropolis (although, y’know, maybe not — there’s always been something a bit suspect about that whole “American Way” thing, and it didn’t seem altogether out of character when Frank Miller stuck Clark on the proxy-Reaganite establishment side in The Dark Knight). But since he doesn’t, we’re stuck with the unsuper heroes.

    Their fights against the real super-villains — and, in our hapless way, ours — are always going to be a lot less evenly matched.

    Alas, having right on one’s side doesn’t confer the power to leap tall buildings in a single bound. But one may still be able to achieve something taking the stairs.

  2. Jess says:

    So it turns out you’re an idealistic dreamer, after all! 😉

  3. Joel Derfner says:

    Matt, I blame my own irresponsible stewardship of this blog for your being the first to comment. As for your second point, of course you’re right. But if superheroes are in a sense wish fulfillment, mightn’t I be forgiven for transgressing the limits of the genre?

    Jess, you take that back, or else.


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