In my last post I discussed an RSVP to my wedding that read as follows:
Dear E.S. and Faustus,
Thank you for your invitation. As you know we are Catholic and we believe in our religion and its teaching. We will not be able to accept but want you to know we love you very much and wish the very best for you always.
G. & Y.
Here is the reply I sent (on handmade Nepalese paper, no less):
Dear G. and Y.,
Thank you so much for your kind note. We understand why you can’t attend. We felt our wedding wouldn’t be a true celebration, however, without you, so we made donations in your honor to Freedom to Marry and to SNAP, the Survivors’ Network of those Abused by Priests.
We hope you’re well and we look forward to seeing you some time soon.
Faustus and E.S.
Sometimes even I am impressed by my evil genius.
(Let this be a lesson, by the by, that etiquette is neither “stupid rules about which fork to use” nor “just about making people feel comfortable.” Dinnerware and social lubrication do indeed find themselves under the umbrella of etiquette, but they are joined there by techniques for smiling sweetly at your enemies as you cut their hearts out.)
Your evil genius isn’t the only reason I love you, but it’s a significant one.
MAGNIFICENT! As a recently and happily married gay man, I’m shocked anyone would RSVP like this to you…and am very pleased at your response.
Sparky, I’m blushing.
Kim, they were E.S.’s obnoxious alcoholic cousins, so it’s no less than one might expect, alas. But I’m still mighty pleased with myself.
1. Brilliant. And brilliant that you were ale to turn their age-old ignorance around to such a delightfully hilarious end.
2. So happy for you. Congrats!
I have never wondered why I love you, but if I ever did, this would remind me why.
Oooh, we so should have done that for the fundie in-laws who boycotted our wedding. At least they’ve made some effort to make nice since, but they’ll never shine like David’s godparents (his aunt & uncle who stood in when his parents refused) and cousins. Love them to pieces.
It’s amazing how fearless you are.
If I didn’t love you before, I do now. Brilliant!
Robin, thank you!
Convivia, I bow.
Mel, I’m kind of hoping to alienate these folks for good–she’s also the one who read my book and called everybody in the family to gossip about how scandalous it was that E.S. was dating a stripper.
Jason, I’m honored that you think so but it’s very easy to be fearless through the US Postal Service.
Frank, thank you!
Okay, that’s just brilliant. I really hope you let us know what they say (if they even respond).
Hands down – you win! Congrats!
Super-genius, indeed!! I’m very impressed! All you need now is a zombie army and an efficient right-hand-person to coordinate, and you’ll be able to take over the world! (and have ALL the Oreo ice cream cake to yourself)
Ich glaube ich liebe Dich…
Sollte das mit E.S. nix werden, sag Bescheid. Ich krieg schon ein Visum für dich (und ich glaube du würdest großartig in Lederhosen aussehen).
Herzliche Glückwünsche noch aus Deutschland =)
Josh, I absolutely will.
Rebecca, thank you.
Stever, that’s right–and you won’t get ANY.
Lennert, get the visa anyway, and we’ll see what we can work out. I can say I looked very cute in Lederhosen at nine, but as you know some fifteen years have passed since then and I can’t promise anything now.
Hi, just started reading your blog and have to say your response to the RSVP was awesome! Congratulations on your nuptial!
Kieran, thank you so much!
Bloody brilliant and the height of good taste and politeness.
And congratulations on the nuptials – I am assuming you will be wearing white.
she’s also the one who read my book and called everybody in the family to gossip about how scandalous it was that E.S. was dating a stripper.
I’m going to assume that’s just a misspelling of AWESOME.
Truly inspired. I’d love to see the expressions on their faces when they get that. The words “gaping maw” come to mind
I LOVE IT! pure genius!
I Love it, Love it, Love it…Evil Genius indeed!!!