In my last post I discussed an RSVP to my wedding that read as follows:
Dear E.S. and Faustus,
Thank you for your invitation. As you know we are Catholic and we believe in our religion and its teaching. We will not be able to accept but want you to know we love you very much and wish the very best for you always.
G. & Y.
Here is the reply I sent (on handmade Nepalese paper, no less):
Dear G. and Y.,
Thank you so much for your kind note. We understand why you can’t attend. We felt our wedding wouldn’t be a true celebration, however, without you, so we made donations in your honor to Freedom to Marry and to SNAP, the Survivors’ Network of those Abused by Priests.
We hope you’re well and we look forward to seeing you some time soon.
Faustus and E.S.
Sometimes even I am impressed by my evil genius.
(Let this be a lesson, by the by, that etiquette is neither “stupid rules about which fork to use” nor “just about making people feel comfortable.” Dinnerware and social lubrication do indeed find themselves under the umbrella of etiquette, but they are joined there by techniques for smiling sweetly at your enemies as you cut their hearts out.)