October 9, 2010

How to decline an invitation to the wedding of a same-sex couple:

“Mr. and Mrs. S. regret that they are unable to accept the very kind invitation of E.S. and Faustus for October 10, 2010.”

How not to decline an invitation to the wedding of a same-sex couple:

“Dear E.S. and Faustus,

“Thank you for your invitation. As you know we are Catholic and we believe in our religion and its teaching. We will not be able to accept but want you to know we love you very much and wish the very best for you always.


“G. & Y.”

And yet which one do you think we got in the mail today?

I’m a little bit in shock.

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23 Responses to How to decline an invitation to the wedding of a same

  1. Lee says:

    Imagine their reaction when you decline an initiation from them since your religious beliefs are against whatever the event is.

  2. The only appropriate response begins with an F and ends in “uck you, G & Y.”

  3. Jess says:

    These are “friends” of yours, I gather? People whose superstitions override their support for friends shouldn’t be in your life anymore. Time for them to move to the ex-friends list, in my not-so-humble opinion!

    By the way, our invitation apparently was lost in the mail. That’s why we haven’t responded yet! 😉

  4. Denton says:

    I just choked on my water. I want to go Hitchens on these people.

  5. PeterM says:

    one possible response …

    “I already knew you were Catholic and I know how the church has repeatedly covered up and promoted the RAPE of children by simply moving rapist priests from church to church. Even knowing this I invited you thinking that you have nothing to do with the dictates of that leadership. However you’ve let me know that I was wrong to disassociate you from their scandals and ideas.

    I realize that I had an undue confidence in your ability to think for yourselves so please consider the invitation to be my mistake. I really had only intended to invite enlightened thinkers (not zombie pro-rapist papists) so please accept my apologies.

    I’m relieved that we figured this out now rather than later. If somehow you had mentioned that you follow that philosophy at the wedding I would have had to ask you to leave. You see, there might be children there and I want them to be safe from the rape and other trauma that your leaders have supported. Declining my invitation saves us both the embarrassment of asking you to leave the celebration. I’m so glad to know that the children can feel safe.

    I read so often about something called a “recovering Catholic” … they are people who were once like you but they managed to get better. I hope you both get better soon. I will pray for you.

    With ‘love,’

  6. Rebecca says:

    That’s just… tacky. So they’re okay with you and E.S. as long as you don’t go around demanding equal marriage rights? Huh.

    Also, congratulations and mazel tov to you two crazy kids!

  7. Robynn says:

    Oooh. I don’t think they deserve to be spoken to ever again, but if you were feeling more bloody-minded, you might engage them helpfully in the thorny question of whether the Church’s teachings are what they seem to believe, with a little help from my dad’s excellent blog:
    (There’s a helpful category on “Catholic teaching”, even.)

  8. Christopher Schouten says:

    I’m so sorry you had to deal with that, darling. We also took the chance of inviting known evangelicals, and they actually showed up because they understand that “the greatest of these is love”. So it says nothing about your friends’ belief and unfortunately a lot about their character (or lack thereof) that they didn’t show.

    Most important thing to do is not let it affect you on this amazing day. There is SO MUCH LOVE that gathers around you on a day like this… don’t dis it by focusing on a few idiots.

  9. Jill Smith says:

    First of all, PeterM, you are my hero. In the wake of the Park51 project brouhaha, I wanted to fire back with “Oh – by the same ‘logic,’ it is obscene to site Catholic churches near schools, let alone allow the Catholic church to RUN any schools.”

    Second of all, dearest Faustus, I know you are far too polite to serve these alleged people back in kind, but the temptation to respond with something like, “Oh, yes. We were aware that you are Catholic, but we were unaware that you believe your religion demands that you go out of your way to be sanctimonious, smug, and hateful. Thanks for clearing that up,” must be overwhelming.

  10. Diz says:

    Fuck ’em.

    And congrats to you two!! So cute. I’m sending you some corn-bred well-wishes from the Midwest. 🙂

  11. Sharon says:

    I keep trying to think of something to say, but can’t. The mind boggles. Also, when’s the big day?

  12. Aidan says:

    “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.”
    -Harvey Fierstein-

  13. Aidan says:

    I’ve been head over heals in love with HF since 1980 when I heard him say these words, which should be the credo of a great religion:

    “There’s one more thing you better understand. I have taught myself to sew, cook, fix plumbing, build furniture – I can even pat myself on the back when necessary – all so I don’t have to ask anyone for anything. There’s nothing I need from anyone except for love and respect and anyone who can’t give me those two things has no place in my life. ”

    You have my love and my respect. And my wishes for 50 wonderful, loving, laughter-filled years together.

  14. Sharon says:

    Wait, it really was yesterday and you only got their letter then?

    Also, OMG your wedding was yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. Ed says:

    But they are only an ‘A’ short of being gay themselves…

  16. CharlestonDave says:

    I wish every blessing for you two lovebirds..you leave me all verklempt! Publish a photo or three, that we might rejoice with you. 🙂

    And I hope the great outpouring of support here from your online friends assuages the sting of small-mindedness from those ideological victims G & Y, whose approach seems to be that they wish to support you, just not too much.

    If I may veer slightly out of context, the final book of the New Testament speaks of the attitude of God toward Christians whose behavior in the end times is sorta kinda faithful:
    So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth. (Rev 3:16)

  17. TED says:


    Actually, the appropriate response would have been, “We regret that we are unable to attend, and we especially regret the lateness or our reply.” One must hope that they held out until the last possible moment in the hopes of a last-minute change of heart from Rome and that they didn’t make this clear only because they feared what the black ops curates would do to them if they openly criticized the hierarchy. This hope would not, perhaps, have much of a logical basis, but then we are talking about Catholics.

  18. Jeff says:

    First, mazel tov!

    Second, I see two options here:

    (1) Ignore it, don’t let this one response detract from all the happiness, and never talk to these people again.

    (2) Write them back and explain that their response was tacky, inappropriate, and ungracious.

    Knowing your writing ability, I have full confidence that you could communicate your feelings to them in a way that will make them understand how shitty their behavior was.

    I wonder if Miss Manners or “Ask Metafilter” would have good advice.

  19. initials says:

    All the best to you both! As to the Catholic issue, those apes in the dust who sent you said response be conservatives. Ditch them kindly, and let progress eat ’em. It’s not that far behind you. If it helps, just think about the fact that nobody is capable of pulling off blood-red, hand-made Prada slippers like the Pontiff, and smile.

  20. anne marie in philly says:

    mazel tov to both of you on your special day!

    and fuck your “friends”; they deserve nothing but silence from you from now on.

  21. LD says:

    I’ve been reading your blog for, well, years now. Back before it had it’s current stylish format and you used to write about bad dates and porn films.

    I am so very happy for you and E.S. I think it’s simply wonderful that you found what you were searching for.

    So…blog name change?

  22. Convivia says:

    I like Lee’s idea. “Faustus, MD and E.S. regret that we will not be able to attend your function because, as members of the Church of Not Being a Completely Bigoted Ass, we find your choices to be in conflict with our moral philosophy.”

    Note that my 82-year-old Catholic dad sent you nothing but love and good wishes, and would have come with joy if a) you’d had a wedding sufficiently large that you’d invited him, and b) he could have physically done it.

    Also, internally inconsistent on the parts of the S.es: they’re presumably OK with you and E.S. living in sin? DOES NOT COMPUTE.

  23. Kevin in Maryland says:

    oh. my.

    well, everybody’s said all that possibly could be said.

    let’s move on to more important things: where are you registered? I have a new credit limit at Crate & Barrel I’m dying to burn up.


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