October 1, 2009

I’m preparing to go out of the country for a couple weeks (more on this later). E.S. and I therefore had the following conversation last night.

E.S.: I’ll miss you. When you’re not here the empty house is all quiet and spooky.
FAUSTUS: But the house will be full of the spirit of our love.
E.S.: Like I said, quiet and spooky.
FAUSTUS: Hmph.
E.S.: Now, wait, you’re coming back the 14th?
FAUSTUS: Yes.
E.S.: Why so early? Why aren’t you staying till the 21st?
FAUSTUS: I told you, I—
E.S.: Of November?
FAUSTUS: Wait a minute . . .
E.S.: 2010?
FAUSTUS: I hate you.
E.S.: I’m the funniest boyfriend in the world.
FAUSTUS (relenting): You can be funny sometimes.
E.S.: Like, every six weeks or so.
FAUSTUS: There’s no need to exaggerate.
E.S.: (Burps.)
FAUSTUS: Oh, my God.

Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to I’m preparing to go out of the country for a couple weeks

  1. TED says:

    Who is this Mike, and what have you done with E.S.? Wait, don’t answer that if doing so would incriminate you.

  2. TED, I have no idea what you’re talking about.

  3. TED says:

    No one ever does. Why should you be any different?

  4. Charleston Dave says:

    I’m confused

  5. Birdie says:

    I’m falling in love with E.S.

  6. JamesR says:

    “E.S.: (Burps.)
    FAUSTUS: Oh, my God.”

    OY!! Such a couple you are!

  7. Sarah says:

    I adored your book! Twas just lovely!

  8. Sarah says:

    I adored your book! Twas just lovely!

  9. lee says:

    Faustus:

    I attempted to show restraint; truly, I did. Then I discovered nobody was watching so I gave it up.

    Here we are, rapidly approaching the Gay New Year, and still your archive (with startling disregard to all tenets of grammar) reads:

    October 2009 (1 entries).

    You can try to snooker us again with that factitious “it’s a verb” nonsense, but I will not have it. “Entries” does not combine the best features of “to enter” with those of “to try” and “to entreat.” It does not stand on the same high ground as “misunderestimated.”

    Need I remind you of your other “1 entries” episode in August, 2002? That was the month in which you whimpered but did not bang. Who in their right mind would do such a thing? It was enough to make me question your bottominess. And to what did it lead? It lead to the hieroglyphic graffiti fiasco, that’s what. Multiple linguistic mistakes–and in a dead language no less. It’s not as if the rules were shifting while you wrote.

    This could go on your permanent record, so man up and write something.

    With love and affection. (And the voices say, “Hey”.)

  10. lee says:

    Faustus:

    I attempted to show restraint; truly, I did. Then I discovered nobody was watching so I gave it up.

    Here we are, rapidly approaching the Gay New Year, and still your archive (with startling disregard to all tenets of grammar) reads:

    October 2009 (1 entries).

    You can try to snooker us again with that factitious “it’s a verb” nonsense, but I will not have it. “Entries” does not combine the best features of “to enter” with those of “to try” and “to entreat.” It does not stand on the same high ground as “misunderestimated.”

    Need I remind you of your other “1 entries” episode in August, 2002? That was the month in which you whimpered but did not bang. Who in their right mind would do such a thing? It was enough to make me question your bottominess. And to what did it lead? It lead to the hieroglyphic graffiti fiasco, that’s what. Multiple linguistic mistakes–and in a dead language no less. It’s not as if the rules were shifting while you wrote.

    This could go on your permanent record, so man up and write something.

    With love and affection. (And the voices say, “Hey”.)

  11. lee says:

    Faustus:

    I attempted to show restraint, truly I did. Then I discovered nobody was watching so I gave it up.

    Here we are, rapidly approaching the Gay New Year, and still your archive (with startling lack of regard for the tenets of grammar) reads:

    October 2009 (1 entries).

    You can try to snooker us again with that factitious “it’s a verb” nonsense, but I will not have it. “Entries” does not combine the best features of “to enter” with those of “to try” and “to entreat.” It does not stand upon the high ground alongside “misunderestimated.”

    Need I remind you of your other “1 entries” episode in August, 2002? That was the month in which you whimpered but did not bang. Who in their right mind would do such a thing? It was enough to make me question your bottominess. And to what did it lead? It lead to the hieroglyphic graffiti fiasco, that’s what–multiple linguistic mistakes, and in a dead language no less. It’s not as if the rules were shifting while you wrote.

    If you do not attend to this matter soon, it will go on your permanent record.

    With love and affection. (And the voices say, “Hey”.)

  12. lee says:

    I attempted to post a snarky comment and received the following error message:

    Rebuild failed: Error making path ‘/home/.festus/derfner/joelderfner.com/blog/2009/10′: mkdir /home/.festus: Permission denied at lib/MT/FileMgr/Local.pm line 105

    I know that you hail from somewhere south of respectability, but “festus?” FESTUS?!?

  13. Dan says:

    Looks like Faustus almost let his naming algorithm slip. Can I brag that I figured it out in 2 minutes a few years ago?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>