Yesterday afternoon I was walking briskly towards Astor Place and I passed three college-age kids and heard the following excerpt of their conversation:
BOY: . . . and this girl said your asshole has to be open before they fuck you or there’ll be pain, so I put a banana in my butt.
GIRL 1: Oh, a banana’s a good idea.
GIRL 2: But you can use anything. A cucumber, a shampoo bottle.
GIRL 1: Or a back massager. I used a back massager once.
BOY: Why’d you use a back massager?
GIRL 1: I was bored.
GIRL 2: You could use a back massager for S&M, too.
BOY: Would you be one of those S&M people?
GIRL 2: Hell, yeah. You get paid a lot, like seven or eight hundred dollars
GIRL 1: Would you whip a dwarf?
BOY: For eight hundred dollars I’d whip anybody.
At this point our paths diverged—theirs down the street, mine into the subway.
But I went down the station stairs grinning at the joy of youth.
You read while you’re walking??
1. Bananas have sarp, scratchy bits. They are in New York — don’t they sell dildos there anymore?
2. I think the money skews the question. So, Dear Faustus, would you whip a dwarf…for free?
M,N. and I are on vacation in Boston. I thought of you yesterday as we strolled through Harvard Yard. The place has gone to hell without you. Did you know that Wordsworth’s has closed?! Much love.
You absolutely need to submit this to Overheard in New York!
Adam875: Doesn’t everybody?
Aidan: It would depend on how nicely the dwarf asked.
TheGreenCat: You are right. And yet I find myself not submitting it. Hmm.
Aiden, you may be right about bananas but they are far cheaper and more innocent than dildos, particularly for a college-age boy. Though Girl 2 has a better idea with the cucumber, comfort-wise.
Cucumbers, however, lost their innocence in 10th grade French class, when Claire told us about her grocery-shopping job for a homebound old woman. Every week, along with other items, Claire was instructed to buy just the right sort of cucumber, and finally caught on to what it was probably for. She was grossed out, as were we, and ever since I have been self-conscious when buying a cucumber, especially if I pick one up and put it back to choose another. All cameras in grocery store are undoubtedly trained on me choosing the perfect cucumber, certainly not for the veggie platter I am bringing to the neighbor’s BBQ.
Joel, I think you made this up! 😉
Clearly business majors.