July 30, 2008

From my new favorite book:

Dear Dr. Tatiana,

My name’s Twiggy, and I’m a stick insect. It’s with great embarrassment that I write to you while copulating, but my mate and I have been copulating for ten weeks already. I’m bored out of my skull, yet he shows no signs of flagging. He says it’s because he’s madly in love with me, but I think he’s just plain mad. How can I get him to quit?

Dear Dr. Tatiana,

I’m a European praying mantis, and I’ve noticed I enjoy sex more if I bit my lovers’ heads off first. It’s because when I decapitate them they go into the most thrilling spasms. Somehow they seem less inhibited, more urgent—it’s fabulous. Do you find this too?

I Like ‘Em Headless in Lisbon

Dear Dr. Tatiana,

My boyfriend is the handsomest golden potto I ever saw. He’s got beautiful golden fur on his back, creamy white fur on his belly, he smells delicious, and he has ever such dainty hands and feet. There’s just one thing. Please, Dr. Tatiana, why is his penis covered with enormous spines?

Spooked in Gabon