March 28, 2008

I am about to take my life in my hands.

By which I mean: I am about to cook and eat a package of Ramen noodles.

I realize that such an action isn’t ordinarily considered life-threatening, and it’s possible that I’m indulging in hyperbole, but I am still so traumatized after my last experience with Ramen noodles that I feel I must be very, very careful.

Last time I had Ramen noodles, I was visiting my aunt in Los Angeles. It was the middle of the afternoon, and I wanted a snack but not something too filling, because for dinner we were planning to go to a restaurant so posh it didn’t have a name. A brief search of the pantry revealed just the thing, and I put the water in the microwave.

As the microwave performed the task for which it had been invented, I opened up the package of Ramen noodles. My eye fell upon the directions, and I started thinking. “Hmm,” I thought. “It says to put half the flavor packet in. But I really like the flavor. I’ll just use the whole thing.”

The microwave beeped, and I poured the water into the bowl in which I had placed the noodles and all the contents of the flavor packet. I stirred and let sit for three minutes. Then I picked up my fork and, delighting in the anticipation of pleasure, took a bite.

I will spare you the description of the convulsions that racked my innards as they had never been racked before. There’s no need for you to visualize how quickly I ran to the sink and spat out the noodles. I needn’t enumerate for you the minutes I spent trying to rid my mouth of the hideous taste that filled it.

I spent the rest of the afternoon and most of the evening watching television and eating ice cream. We rescheduled dinner at the restaurant so posh it didn’t have a name. And Ramen noodles began to frighten me.

This happened twenty years ago.

Wish me luck.

Update: I couldn’t do it. I made pasta instead.

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7 Responses to I am about to take my life in my hands

  1. Adam875 says:

    I LOVE Ramen noodles. I’ve never heard of that half the packet instruction. What are you supposed to do with the rest of the packet? I mean, it’s just salt. I think your aunt played a terrible trick on you and swapped the Oriental Flavor for something more evil.

  2. TED says:

    I considered chastising you for using a microwave to prepare ramen, but I figure if you haven’t eaten any for twenty years, you’ve already been punished enough.

  3. Adam875: I think maybe it was a package of two servings and it was giving instructions for preparing one?

    TED: Wait, do you actually disapprove of using a microwave to boil water?

  4. Nodrin-King says:

    You are making only one serving, didn’t you? Maybe that’s why the instructions say put half of the flavor packet, am I correct?

  5. christian says:

    Twenty years go? So this happened when you were about, what, 25?

  6. David says:

    You can blame Ramen noodles for your inability to follow directions.

  7. christian: I’m going to assume you are making a (bad) joke. If not, you may never comment here again.

    David: But I love obeying orders following directions.


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