Yesterday I got a message from the people working on my computer saying that it was going to take them an extra day to finish, because there was extensive damage on the hard drive. Naturally I freaked out. Then I called them back and had the following conversation.
Y.: Hello, DriveSavers, this is Y. How may I help you?
FAUSTUS: Hi, this is Faustus, you just left me a message saying that you were going to have my computer longer than you expected because there was extensive damage on the hard drive.
Y.: Oh, yes, I remember.
FAUSTUS: Well, okay, now I’m sort of freaking out–
Y.: Oh, no!
FAUSTUS: –and I wonder whether I could just ask you to say something hopeful to me so that I can get to sleep tonight–
FAUSTUS:–like, I don’t know, you’re brilliant and you’re really good at what you do and–
Y.: Faustus, you’re brilliant and you’re really good at what you do!
FAUSTUS: Um . . . thank you, but that’s not actually what I meant. I meant say something hopeful about the possibility of recovering my data.
Y.: Oh! Well, these guys are brilliant and they’re really good at what they do and let me explain to you exactly what’s going on . . . [keeps talking, calms Faustus down].
FAUSTUS: Thank you so much. I feel better now.
Y.: I’m always happy to help.
If this did indeed happen the way you say it did, then “Y.” deserves a prize for Customer Service Agent of the Year. I used to hold the title, but I got the hell out of retail.
Oh, and I’m glad your HD is being restored. Data loss sucks. External hard drives are GOOD.
Why do I get the feeling “Y” is going into your speed-dial list?
Let me remind you, Faustus, that you are a Married Woman…you may look but not touch.
Oh, who the hell do I think I’m kidding? Just be sure you wrap it in plastic and have fun.
And I thought that these phone-sex lines had gone out of business!
…and then you had sex.
Or did he at least tuck you in and give you a kiss on the forehead?
Aidan, a phone sex line for Faustus would be talking about grammar and punctuation:
“Oooooh yes baby, put that extra period in that sentence terminal ellipsis baby… oooh yeah do me FOUR times ooooh….”