I am a failure.
I have done everything within my power to ensure that there is a mass of dripping, acidic tar where my heart should be.
But I am vanquished by cuteoverload.com. All the cute little animals being so cute! They’re so cute! Oh, let me make little noises to express my delight at how cute they are!
My one consolation is the knowledge that I am not alone in my failure. My editor, who has the same ambitions for his heart that I have for mine, had to ask the IT department to block cuteoverload.com on his computer, because otherwise he feared he would spend so much time making little noises to express his delight at how cute the little animals were that he would never get anything done.
But seriously: has the man been born on earth who could resist this?