November 30, 2007

I am a failure.

I have done everything within my power to ensure that there is a mass of dripping, acidic tar where my heart should be.

But I am vanquished by All the cute little animals being so cute! They’re so cute! Oh, let me make little noises to express my delight at how cute they are!

My one consolation is the knowledge that I am not alone in my failure. My editor, who has the same ambitions for his heart that I have for mine, had to ask the IT department to block on his computer, because otherwise he feared he would spend so much time making little noises to express his delight at how cute the little animals were that he would never get anything done.

But seriously: has the man been born on earth who could resist this?

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16 Responses to I am a failure

  1. Hi,
    I found you via Chedwick the cat and loved this video and cute overload. I am posting this link for you as I am sure you will like it. It’s a cute animal story of course. In Northern Ca a family of beavers have built a giant dam threatening to flood the town. The beavers are so cute… Thousands of people are flocking there to see them and the town merchants like the commerce. Therefore the town is turning off the official dam and using the beavers dam. That bird sounded like on of my ex’s. 🙂

  2. Logan says:

    Curiously enough, that looks a lot like the mating dance I do when I’m ready for some lovin’.

  3. JamesR says:

    You are so gay …

  4. me says:

    It is resistible; I got bored and stopped the video.

    Despite the fact that that bird has better rhythm than 87% of all suburban white men.

  5. Jeffrey says:

    (H)as the man been born on earth who could resist this?

    ::raises hand::

    And just to clarify: yes, I was in fact born on Earth.

  6. Chris says:

    god that was appalling. that screechy noise made me want to strangle that bird. blech. finding a husband has really messed u up faustus!

  7. Andy says:

    I haven’t laughed that hard in a *really* long time — thank you. Are you going to steal some of those moves for your class?

  8. Adam875 says:

    I can resist it.

    But only because birds creep me out.

    The kittens, though…. Oh, the kittens….!

  9. chedwick says:

    it seems that the bird knew a word or two of the lyrics–didn’t he? or was I hallucinating that part?

  10. Andy says:

    Oh, yes, birds usually creep me out, too. Wasn’t there birdshit on that chair? But still, that is the gayest cockatoo ever. The Richard Simmons of pet birds.

  11. Jess says:

    It’s not as cute, but if you like dancing animals you should check out the video of a dancing horse I posted a while back. Very impressive stuff!

  12. Kenny says:

    It seems unfair that this bird should be a more gifted dancer than I. My hair might be better, though…

  13. campbell says:

    “… dripping acidic tar…”? Faustus, my dear you are fooling nobody. You’re poppet and like a stick of Blackpool rock you have ‘poppet’ written all the way through.

  14. Campbell, what the fuck are you talking about? To me a poppet is the little doll that Mary Warren gives Elizabeth in The Crucible, And as far as a stick of Blackpool rock, well–it sounds exciting but my mother told me never to accept gifts from strange men.

  15. I had some friends who had a sulfur-crested fuckatoo named “Baby” who used to love to dance … on the steering wheel of the van while they were driving on camping trips. Apparently he preferred Michael Jackson music. Sad, sad little bird.

  16. Hi there would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re working with? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 different web browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you recommend a good web hosting provider at a fair price? Thank you, I appreciate it!


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