March 24, 2007

Having been out of the country, and having spent the week before our departure preparing, E.S. and I find ourselves with a great deal of TiVoed television to catch up on. We started last night, with America’s Next Top Model. This is what watching television with a psychiatrist is like:

(The girls have been doing various modeling things. Renee says something bitchy to Jaslene. Jaslene overreacts hugely. Renee tells Jaslene not to get defensive.)

E.S.: Pause it.

(Faustus pauses the TiVo.)

E.S.: Jaslene is displaying traits of narcissistic personality disorder. She’s feeling threatened by Renee, and she can’t take it, so she’s freaking out.

FAUSTUS: I don’t like her, anyway. She talks through her nose.

E.S.: Okay, we can keep watching now.

(Faustus unpauses the TiVo. All the girls continue competing to become America’s next top model. After a while, Jaslene says something bitchy to Renee. Renee overreacts hugely. Jaslene walks out. We cut to Renee alone, crying to the camera about how hard it is to be in the house.)

E.S.: Pause it.

(Faustus pauses the TiVo.)

E.S.: She’s displaying traits of narcissistic personality disorder.

FAUSTUS: You said that already.

E.S.: No, that was Jaslene. Now I’m talking about Renee. Jaslene can’t take it when she fails, so she just glosses over it as if it hadn’t happened. Renee can’t take it when she fails, so she’s falling apart. They’re having the same reaction, but it’s taking different forms. But Renee understands how it’s affecting Jaslene, so she keeps goading her. Jaslene is kind of helpless, because she doesn’t understand how it’s affecting Renee.

FAUSTUS: Why don’t you just say they all have narcissistic personality disorder and be done with it so we can see the rest of the show in peace?

E.S.: Because some of them might have borderline personality disorder.

FAUSTUS: Oh, God.

E.S.: We can keep watching now.

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7 Responses to Having been out of the country, and having spent the week before

  1. Lauren says:

    Maybe he would have better insight into human nature if he watched less TV.

  2. gordon says:

    Please thank E.S. for providing content, willingly, rather than, I think, willfully. All this, I assume somehow, relates to what was formerly known as real life.

  3. Teddy says:

    I think it must have been funnier in ancient Egyptian.

    But it was kind of you to translate it for us.

  4. John says:

    E.S.: Jaslene is displaying traits of narcissistic personality disorder.

    FAUSTUS: I don’t like her, anyway. She talks through her nose.

    Does NPR know about you guys? This kind of scintillating point/counterpoint really deserves a wider audience!

  5. Sin says:

    I don’t watch ANTM at all, never have, but I may have to reconsider my position after this post.

  6. Mr.D. says:

    NOD* and I were watching “University Challenge”** and I answered a question with “Cognitive Behaviour Therapy” before Clinical Psychologist-to-be Miss Smartypants even had time to think.

    * Number One Daughter
    ** This isn’t really anything at all to do with your post, is it, Faustus?

  7. dan renzi says:

    My friend is a social worker. She often tells stories and describes her clients in clinical terms. And then she says “…which means, [he/she] is crazy.”

    I think the methodology fits here too.

    Long live Wholahay!

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