On Thanksgiving it transpired that I had unwittingly bought myself an item E.S. had intended to give me as a Christmas gift. Last night we had the following conversation:
E.S.: So what should I give you for Christmas now that you ruined my idea?
FAUSTUS: I don’t know.
E.S.: I’ll give you a dozen roses.
FAUSTUS: Will they be made of gold?
E.S.: Roses aren’t made of gold.
FAUSTUS: These ones better be, if they’re what you’re giving me for Christmas.
E.S.: Why are you so materialistic?
FAUSTUS: Because things are wonderful.
E.S.: What about our love?
FAUSTUS: Well, that’s nice too.
E.S.: Isn’t that enough?
FAUSTUS: It’s enough for love. But I want love and things.
E.S.: That’s it. I’m getting you something from the lump of coal catalogue.
Make sure that coal has a ribbon of gold.
Willing as I generally am to suspend disbelief, I am nonetheless having great difficulty accepting the notion that your response to “What should I give you?” would ever be “I don’t know.”
Christmas gifts? I thought you were jewish… 🙂
A.B.
And then you had sex?
Smurch wins.
These conversation snippets are hilarious. I love them.
My advice:
1)go to http://store.elkhorninnwv.com/muletrain.html
get YOURSELF something from the “Lump of Coal Catalogue”, thus spoiling his gift a second time
2)Refrain from buying something for yourself for the next month, but go shopping with E.S. and say “OOOOH this is REALLY NICE!!!” a lot.
3) remind him that you are Jewish, but are willing to celebrate Christmas if he agrees to celebrate Hannukkah . . . all 8 nights.
Coal is the new black, you know.
I’m not falling for the “I don’t know” line, either.
“These ones” ?! Say it isn’t so. My hero of grammar and syntax just toppled from his pedestal.
Re: your lumps of coal… In surfing, I just found the post that has a link to our bed-and-breakfast’s gift shop page (Elkhorn Inn & Theatre http://www.elkhorninnwv.com) and I am delighted! No idea who Todd is, but kudos to him! Whatever your fest of choice, that’s what we’ve got here in so. WV in abundance: lumps o’ coal- so you now know where to come when you two REALLY want to “get away from it all”! And as for coal being the “new black”- it’s always been a “classic” down here in The Nation’s Coal Bin. As in NYC, we wear a lot of it ’cause it ain’t only chic, it don’t show dirt. I fully intend to mix the coal dust that settles on our windowsills in with some paint and market it as an “Appalachian Textured Paint Finish”… 🙂