November 27, 2006

On Thanksgiving it transpired that I had unwittingly bought myself an item E.S. had intended to give me as a Christmas gift. Last night we had the following conversation:

E.S.: So what should I give you for Christmas now that you ruined my idea?
FAUSTUS: I don’t know.
E.S.: I’ll give you a dozen roses.
FAUSTUS: Will they be made of gold?
E.S.: Roses aren’t made of gold.
FAUSTUS: These ones better be, if they’re what you’re giving me for Christmas.
E.S.: Why are you so materialistic?
FAUSTUS: Because things are wonderful.
E.S.: What about our love?
FAUSTUS: Well, that’s nice too.
E.S.: Isn’t that enough?
FAUSTUS: It’s enough for love. But I want love and things.
E.S.: That’s it. I’m getting you something from the lump of coal catalogue.

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11 Responses to On Thanksgiving it transpired that I had unwittingly bought myself

  1. Paul says:

    Make sure that coal has a ribbon of gold.

  2. anapestic says:

    Willing as I generally am to suspend disbelief, I am nonetheless having great difficulty accepting the notion that your response to “What should I give you?” would ever be “I don’t know.”

  3. Christmas gifts? I thought you were jewish… 🙂


  4. Smurch says:

    And then you had sex?

  5. David says:

    Smurch wins.

  6. Yen says:

    These conversation snippets are hilarious. I love them.

  7. Todd Gocken says:

    My advice:

    1)go to

    get YOURSELF something from the “Lump of Coal Catalogue”, thus spoiling his gift a second time

    2)Refrain from buying something for yourself for the next month, but go shopping with E.S. and say “OOOOH this is REALLY NICE!!!” a lot.

    3) remind him that you are Jewish, but are willing to celebrate Christmas if he agrees to celebrate Hannukkah . . . all 8 nights.

  8. Jeffrey says:

    Coal is the new black, you know.

  9. goblinbox says:

    I’m not falling for the “I don’t know” line, either.

  10. XLibris says:

    “These ones” ?! Say it isn’t so. My hero of grammar and syntax just toppled from his pedestal.

  11. Re: your lumps of coal… In surfing, I just found the post that has a link to our bed-and-breakfast’s gift shop page (Elkhorn Inn & Theatre and I am delighted! No idea who Todd is, but kudos to him! Whatever your fest of choice, that’s what we’ve got here in so. WV in abundance: lumps o’ coal- so you now know where to come when you two REALLY want to “get away from it all”! And as for coal being the “new black”- it’s always been a “classic” down here in The Nation’s Coal Bin. As in NYC, we wear a lot of it ’cause it ain’t only chic, it don’t show dirt. I fully intend to mix the coal dust that settles on our windowsills in with some paint and market it as an “Appalachian Textured Paint Finish”… 🙂


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