June 26, 2006

I fully intended to march in the Pride parade yesterday, I really did.

But after teaching an aerobics class I was so tired I fell asleep and then my boyfriend and I assembled our new reproduction Victorian four-poster bed and then I went to a party at which I got paid to dance naked and play with my penis for four hours while strange men groped me and put cash in my socks until I ejaculated.

I’m sorry I’m a bad homosexual.

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18 Responses to I fully intended to march in the Pride parade yesterday, I really

  1. campbell says:

    Not at all, dear boy, you are just……different.


    PS – are you growing a moustache?

  2. campbell says:

    Also, don’t you get callouses if you play with your penis for 4 hours?

  3. stevie says:


    BAH that makes you the perfect homosexual.

    it is pride weekend, so be proud of socks full of dollars!



  4. Andrew says:

    Nonsense; you are a fabulous homosexual. I just want to know if it was the groping or the socks full of cash that ultimately got you off.

  5. Roy says:

    That would make for an evocative “missed connection” on Craig’s List.

  6. David says:

    I think there are better ways to raise money for apartment renovations, but then what do I know?

    Was it a “come as you are” party?

  7. Joe says:

    Once again, I renew my tired call for photographic backup. Isn’t that what blogs are for?

  8. Jeffrey says:

    Is this how all best-selling haiku authors make money on the side?

  9. heather d says:
  10. Mr.D. says:

    Next time you go to a bar, only have your underwear on.

    When the barman asks “Who the fcuk are you?” answer “I’m a premature ejaculation.”

    When he asks why, tell him “I’ve just come in my pants*.”

    * that’s what we Brits call what you wear under your trousers.

  11. anapestic says:

    If I didn’t know better (and I don’t), I’d say that the combination of a new four-poster bed and the statement “I’m a bad homosexual” means that somebody wants to be punished.

  12. Roy says:

    I don’t get the joke about the trousers.

  13. Campbell: Calluses, no. Chafing, most definitely. Ouch.

    stevie: I am. Believe me, I am.

    Andrew: Actually, it was the fact that it was 3:00 in the morning and I was desperate to go home and sleep.

    Roy: I have been avoiding Missed Connections ever since for just that reason.

    David: Trust me, with the renovations we need to do, I’d be dancing until the age of 78.

    Joe: Email me and I will send you photos. You won’t be disappointed.

    Jeffrey: Yes.

    heather d: I wouldn’t have minded if some of the patrons had actually done that.

    Mr. D.: Ha!

    anapestic: I’d answer your question but my hands and feet are naturally tied to the bed.

    Roy: Premature ejaculation? Just came in my underwear? Get it?

  14. goblinbox says:

    I had no idea having cash stuffed in one’s socks could have such a happy ending.

  15. Kieran says:

    Wow, Faustus! Would you send me the picutres, too?!? Yippee!

  16. Jeffrey says:

    Hmm, while you’re at it, just cc me on your e-mail to Joe as well.

    Socks. So *that’s* where they stick the tips — because, you know, I was worried there for a second….

  17. Sparky says:

    I think it’s clear that we all think you’re the BEST homosexual!

  18. birdfarm says:

    of course I agree you’re the best, but, regardless of the question of good or bad, I must say that between the four-poster and the, uh, other activities, you are indisputably a practicing homosexual. šŸ˜‰

    congrats on the house; sorry I’ve been AWOL.


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