May 14, 2006

Dear God,

I know I have generally thought of You as either a malevolent, brutal, and selfish malfeasant or a myth perpetuated by other malevolent, brutal, and selfish malfeasants.

However, if You let it be true that Karl Rove is really being indicted, I promise to go an entire day without taking Your name in vain, even while being sodomized.

If You let George W. Bush be impeached, I’ll up it to a week.

Sincerely yours,


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16 Responses to Dear God, I know I have generally thought of You as either

  1. KipEsquire says:

    Impeach Bush = President Cheney.

    Think about it.

  2. David says:

    KipEsquire: “President Cheney” is a convenient bugaboo, but he’s closer to being impeached than Bush is at this point, as Fitzgerald is closing in on him. I suspect we’ll have President Hastert before President Cheney, but either would suit me fine at this point.

    Faustus: What if the one sodomizing you is President Cheney?

  3. Kenny says:

    David: If Cheney were president, wouldn’t we all feel a little bit sodomized?

  4. Ruby says:

    David: He is still our VP even after we found out about the secret CIA prisons, and after the hunting ‘accident’.

    If we impeach Bush, maybe our luck will continue and Cheney will go on another hunting trip and ‘accidentally’ shoot himself.

    Faustus, do you still have your gun?

  5. chris says:

    Firstly, omg, I didn’t realise americans were actually paying any attention to the Karl Rove saga, because, you know, it requires both paying attention and thinking.

    Second, Ruby, since when do they let nelly qweens have a gun?

  6. Pam says:

    Me too but without the sodomy. It’s not for me.

  7. G-d says:


    The Rove indictment was a freebie for you, My son … I made a sucker bet with John Spencer about how the election was going to turn out on the West Wing — and lost. Leave it to those Me-damned Hollywood liberals. I should have known better than to bet on that shit anyway. I lost a double or nothing on the Clinton impeachment to the REAL Faustas and that’s how you ended up with GWB. (Faust wanted me to smite the village of Erfurt, but I refused…in retrospect a bad decision. Fewer innocent people would have died.)

    If you want Bush impeached, you’re going to have to do better than going a month without using My name in vain. You might try praying once in a while…for My sakes, I hear from you even less than your mother does. The only time you call out to Me is when you’re being cornholed!

    And as for the “malevolent, brutal, and selfish malfeasant” comment, I would just like to remind you that it was I who created orgasms. I could have made procreation difficult to avoid but physically unpleasant…like an Andrea Bocelli solo at a major sporting event. But I didn’t. Roll that around in the back of your mind the next time you are popping jiz down that handsome Doctor’s throat. Cumming sould have felt like a migraine, but it doesn’t.

    Bless you. Love,


  8. Mush says:

    Wow, Faustus, God comments on your blog. That is so hot!

  9. God says:

    Faustus – should you make it a week without being sodomized, all that you here wish shall come to pass and i’ll throw in an Elton John ditty dedicated to you.

  10. Andrew says:

    Preach it, brother.

  11. David says:

    I like 7)God much better than 9)God and a lot more than the one I was taught about as a kid. I think I’ll start praying to him instead.

  12. David says:

    Except HE didn’t provide a link.

  13. Andy says:

    Your theology needs some help. One, God is not in the habit of making bargains with humans, especially not one whereby He would interfere in the political process in exchange for one person’s obeying the Second Commandment, which you are supposed to do anyway. What would He get out of it? Two, having endowed us with free will, with which we are empowered to make moral choices, it is up to Americans as a whole to exercise that free will to see that those who used fear of terrorism as a political tool to win elections and launch an unjustified war of choice/political experiment in the exportation of democracy suffer the consequences. Pray to God daily, but write your congressperson, too.

  14. Paul says:

    A letter from Faustus to God. Hmmm..


  15. Anonymouse says:

    See I like 9 better cause he didn’t spell should wrong – “Cumming sould have felt like a migraine, but it doesn’t”. ‘Nuff said.

  16. Elliott says:

    I am so with you on this one. One thing though, let us keep the sodomy (PLEASE!) and give up chocolate for a week. Now, that is just plain selfless sacrifice for the good of human kind!


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