March 9, 2006

Here is part of a conversation I had with E.S. in bed last night:

E.S.: Ow! You bumped my nose.
FAUSTUS: I’m sorry.
E.S.: You should be more careful. You could have knocked it off.
FAUSTUS: It’s lucky that I didn’t. I wouldn’t love you if you didn’t have a nose.
E.S.: Would you love me if I had cancer?
FAUSTUS: Well, then you’d just die, and I wouldn’t have to love you.
E.S.: No, cancer of the nose, and I had to have a nasectomy.
FAUSTUS: Oh. No, I wouldn’t love you if you had a nasectomy. Unless you got a really natural-looking prosthesis.
E.S.: What about the really creepy times when it, like, fell off on the subway?
FAUSTUS: Definitely I wouldn’t love you then.
FAUSTUS: But I’d love you again after you put it back on.
E.S.: I’m not sure I believe you.
FAUSTUS: You’ll never know until you remove your nose, will you?

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9 Responses to Here is part of a conversation I had with E

  1. David says:

    Delightful. The following is a typical conversation I have with Rob.

    Me: Honey, can you pass the potato chips?

    Rob: OK.

    Me: Is Project Runway on?

    Rob: Yep.

  2. eric says:

    This is side of Fautus I ADORE & LOVE THE MOST… welcome back!

  3. anapestic says:

    I’m 99.44% certain that this conversation went exactly the way you’ve transcribed it, except that where you have “nose,” the actual conversation had a somewhat more important part of E.S.’ anatomy.

  4. David says:

    Excuse me sir, but you could you kindly remove your nose?

  5. Mush says:

    Only 99.44%? Because, you know, it could be even higher.

    On the other hand, they’re weird birds, so it really could have been nose the whole time.


  6. Christopher says:

    I wonder if Michael Jackson and Bubbles ever had this same conversation? I mean, when was the last time anyone saw Bubbles? It must have been heartbreaking for the poor primate. And for Bubbles.

    (Sorry. That was rubbish of me.)

  7. aimee says:

    This is completely irrelevant but I had a dream about meeting you last night. I think you got annoyed that I kept trying to get you to sing. It was very strange while at the same time pretty cool.

  8. sam says:

    In bed in Brooklyn, or in Manhattan?

  9. i. bendito says:


    Wouldn’t the nose being savaged by a machete-wielding crackwhore have provided a more refined example?

    It’s New York after all.


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