March 9, 2006

Here is part of a conversation I had with E.S. in bed last night:

E.S.: Ow! You bumped my nose.
FAUSTUS: I’m sorry.
E.S.: You should be more careful. You could have knocked it off.
FAUSTUS: It’s lucky that I didn’t. I wouldn’t love you if you didn’t have a nose.
E.S.: Would you love me if I had cancer?
FAUSTUS: Well, then you’d just die, and I wouldn’t have to love you.
E.S.: No, cancer of the nose, and I had to have a nasectomy.
FAUSTUS: Oh. No, I wouldn’t love you if you had a nasectomy. Unless you got a really natural-looking prosthesis.
E.S.: What about the really creepy times when it, like, fell off on the subway?
FAUSTUS: Definitely I wouldn’t love you then.
(Pause.)
FAUSTUS: But I’d love you again after you put it back on.
E.S.: I’m not sure I believe you.
FAUSTUS: You’ll never know until you remove your nose, will you?

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9 Responses to Here is part of a conversation I had with E

  1. David says:

    Delightful. The following is a typical conversation I have with Rob.

    Me: Honey, can you pass the potato chips?

    Rob: OK.

    Me: Is Project Runway on?

    Rob: Yep.

  2. eric says:

    This is side of Fautus I ADORE & LOVE THE MOST… welcome back!

  3. anapestic says:

    I’m 99.44% certain that this conversation went exactly the way you’ve transcribed it, except that where you have “nose,” the actual conversation had a somewhat more important part of E.S.’ anatomy.

  4. David says:

    Excuse me sir, but you could you kindly remove your nose?

  5. Mush says:

    Only 99.44%? Because, you know, it could be even higher.

    On the other hand, they’re weird birds, so it really could have been nose the whole time.

    WHO TALKS ABOUT NASECTOMIES IN BED?!

  6. Christopher says:

    I wonder if Michael Jackson and Bubbles ever had this same conversation? I mean, when was the last time anyone saw Bubbles? It must have been heartbreaking for the poor primate. And for Bubbles.

    (Sorry. That was rubbish of me.)

  7. aimee says:

    This is completely irrelevant but I had a dream about meeting you last night. I think you got annoyed that I kept trying to get you to sing. It was very strange while at the same time pretty cool.

  8. sam says:

    In bed in Brooklyn, or in Manhattan?

  9. i. bendito says:

    Oncohumor?

    Wouldn’t the nose being savaged by a machete-wielding crackwhore have provided a more refined example?

    It’s New York after all.

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