October 17, 2005

I am in South Carolina, in the city where I grew up. Yesterday, E.S. and I went to the plantation that my great-grandmother owned until she gave it to the state for a park. I dragged E.S. around until we found the tree I used to climb on as a child when we visited her. Unthinking, I clambered up it again, and E.S., knowing such an opportunity was unlikely to present itself to him twice, whipped out his camera and took a photograph of me smiling in a tree.

I’m considering threatening to withhold sex from him until he deletes the photograph, but I think he knows the value of what he has, and will call my bluff. And then where would I be?

Actually, it occurs to me that I could pretty easily throw the camera in the Atlantic Ocean. Then E.S. might withhold sex from me for a while, but eventually he’d break down.

It’s really worth it, to prevent a photo that damning from entering circulation.

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16 Responses to I am in South Carolina,

  1. Schorsch says:

    Is this – Faustus leading mankind back onto the trees – an example of reverse evolution?
    Now, since E.S. has captured this proof of Darwin being wrong, we all want to partake in it: Please publish the picture of Faustus the Tree-Hugger – otherwise nobody will believe you.
    No worries: The picture does not prove anything: Yes, there is an array of positive and negative charges on the chip of E.S.’ camera, and the untrained eye might take it for a picture of you on a tree; we all however will continue to believe that those electrical charges have been put into place by an Intelligent Designer, without your participation.
    At the same time, I hope there was no moss on the tree!

  2. Monica says:

    I thought I could tell a change in the atmospheric pressure south of the Mason Dixon line–

  3. Mush says:

    Steps must be taken! Pixels arranged in such an order simply mustn’t be allowed to exist!

    …will you be posting the photo here, perhaps? HOW CUTE YOU’D BE UP IN A TREE, MD!

  4. Beltane says:

    I lived in Greenville for awhile. God knows I hated it. Being from California I generally had this suctioning feeling from my brain when I was in South Carolina.

    I feel for you.

  5. David says:

    I would become E.S.’s indentured servant to have that photo show up on the Kodak digital screen in Times Square.

  6. Jeffrey says:

    Of course, now I’m just dying to see this picture.

    I was in South Carolina last week, for the first time since I was five. I didn’t get to do much that was fun, as it was a business trip, but I was afraid that I would come home speaking with a drawl. This is a problem with being a nomad in a military family: we all become mimics after a while.

  7. Ruby says:

    A standing ovation for E.S. is called for.

    I would be YOUR servant forever if you post your picture here 🙂

    What o earth made you climb a tree? You hated E.S. for making you touch moss!

    Oh well, hope you’re having fun there.

  8. sam says:

    I am starting to believe E.S. should have a blog. Or at least a “flickr” account

  9. anapestic says:

    It should be possible to use Photoshop to remove the tree and replace it with something else that you’d be likely to climb on and that would make you smile. Perhaps the New York Fire Department?

  10. Jess says:

    Oh, please share the photo! It must be adorable! 🙂

  11. Scott says:

    No, that’s the photo that you’re going to look at after 50 years together.

  12. Elliott says:

    Get rid of that photo at whatever the cost, even if it means you never get to have sex again.

  13. Uncle Zoloft says:

    …like Puck lurking in the Spanish Moss ready to share his Spanish Fly….. were you barefoot?

  14. birdfarm says:

    or you could expand your idea of what it is to be you. and how you want others to see you. and how you see yourself.

    doesn’t it get a little claustrophobic in the moss-free box sometimes?

  15. Scott says:

    Damn, it’s just a tree. And I bet you look great in it.

  16. Crash says:

    I feel it worth pointing out that several of us have pictures of you during your days as a cheerleader that are no doubt much more incriminating than a ‘smiling in the tree’ photo.


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