September 14, 2005

When I was applying to colleges during my senior year of high school, one institution I considered was Oberlin, in Ohio; it had a terrific college and an even better conservatory. I planned a visit there during the winter. In South Carolina, the weather is warm and mild almost year round, but even then I knew enough not to expect this to be true in other parts of the country. As I packed, therefore, I thought, It’ll be cold in Ohio in January. I’ll take a sweater.

So I spent three days in Ohio in January with a cotton sweater.

The admissions office had housed me with a hockey player named Topher, who graciously loaned me a down jacket so I wouldn’t die of frostbite but whose conversation was hopelessly tedious.

I could have stuck out the bitter cold and the unscintillating conversation, but he also had an unattractive ass.

I went elsewhere for college.

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14 Responses to When I was applying to

  1. Richard says:

    Come now–you could have ended up with a freshman roommate with an awesome ass. (Okay, perhaps not.)

    Reply
  2. Chris says:

    A friend who went to Oberlin once told me that everyone there is bisexual, bipolar, and really good in bed.

    Having known a handful of other Oberlin grads, this seems quite likely to be true.

    Reply
  3. But you’re a bottom (?).

    Reply
  4. Jeffrey says:

    But if he’d had an amazing dick, surely that would have balanced things out, yes?

    Reply
  5. Another Joel says:

    It wasn’t Topher Scott, was it?

    Reply
  6. Brian says:

    I once dated a bisexual from Oberlin who was not so much bipolar, but just really needed a swift kick in the ass.

    He was also terrible in bed.

    Reply
  7. perry says:

    Ha! My Oberlin visit was in August, but my Dad made sure to describe for me in immense detail how thoroughly my spoiled North Carolina ass would hate Ohio winters. Nonetheless, I loved the place, the atmosphere, the conservatory, and probably the only reason I didn’t go there was lack of a whopping scholarship. Then again, the result was I ended up at NC School of the Arts, which probably has the highest percentage of queer students per capita this side of F.I.T., so things worked out pretty good. 😉

    PS – Hockey players are almost always totally HUNG.

    Reply
  8. perry says:

    Oh God, you’re a grammar freak, aren’t you? “pretty WELL,” okay? “things worked out pretty WELL.”

    Reply
  9. sam says:

    What is it about bottoms being attracted to ass?

    Reply
  10. mcm says:

    Oberlin has a hockey team? Why? Or, more to the point… why would a hockey player go to Oberlin?

    Reply
  11. Phil says:

    I went to Oberlin. I’ll always remember it as the place ugly people go to take their clothes off.

    Reply
  12. Mush says:

    The Midwest does not fuck around with its cold. The Midwest is totally serious about it.

    Reply
  13. alex says:

    I am trying to pick a college. Now I know how to.

    Reply
  14. Kevin says:

    Those temperate Boston winters must have been much more accomodating?

    Reply

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