August 29, 2005

It is I, Faustus. I have returned. I’m glad to see that the person who writes more like me than I do has kept you entertained.

I was at Camp Camp, in Middle of Nowhere, Maine. The first day, I was practicing my routine for the aerobics classes I was going to teach, and when I went over to check the steps I had written down, I found some sticky spots on the paper. I racked my brain, trying to figure out which of the many sticky substances I’d packed could possibly have leaked in my bag on the way up, when I realized it was pine sap that had dripped from the tree above me.

I ran to call E.S. to come rescue me but there was no cell phone access so I had to stay the whole week.

The horrifying thing, of course, is that pine sap was nothing compared to what lay in store. By the end of my time I had both played softball and eaten a leaf I picked from a plant in the forest.