June 7, 2005

Over the weekend I was forced to attend a group training session for a company for which I do some freelance work.

On the first day (of three) I walked into the room ten minutes late, only to find that all the people there–sixty or more–were introducing themselves to the rest of the group.

Oh, dear God, I thought.

Then I looked up at the board in front of the room and saw this written there:

“Expectancy determines outcome.” –Deepak Chopra

Oh, dear God, I thought.

Once the excruciating process of introductions was finished, the session leader–who was actually pretty cute–got up and said, “Okay, so I have this thing written on the board, ‘Expectancy determines outcome.’ Who can guess what it means?”

God, I begged, please strike me down now. Better locusts should consume me from within than that I endure this.

God did not comply with my request. Eight hours later, the first day finished, I stumbled out into the street, a broken man.

The next morning I was eighteen minutes late and when I got there they had locked the door and wouldn’t let me in. This means I have to go back the next time they offer the training and take the second two days.

Unless they make me take the first day over again, in which case I’ll quit or perhaps go on a killing spree.

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13 Responses to Over the weekend I was

  1. Hanuman says:

    Oh, they WILL make you take the first day over again! Trust me! Otherwise, it will screw up the group dynamic!! Enjoy sweetie!!! 😉

  2. At least I hope this company pays you well, if it’s forcing you to give up a whole weekend for group training . . . and even worse, expecting you to show up for it on time . . .

  3. anapestic says:

    It sounds a lot like est. I wonder what this site will be like once they’ve finished reprogramming you.

  4. Groomzilla says:

    So it sounds like the outcome was pretty much what you expectancied?

  5. Convivia says:

    I find that this sort of event provides a good opportunity for things like making a list of all the chicken recipes I know.

  6. campbell says:

    Did they split the meeting into groups and have the groups construct bridges out of drinking straws?

    That’s my favourite, as much fun can be had by transforming yourself into some mad bastard out of Ayn Rand and forcing them to do it your way and bugger the sodding ‘group dynamic’. You shouldn’t find it too difficult.

  7. Wait….was this one of those “Landmark Education” seminars….those people are evil

  8. Expect nothing, don’t be disappointed.

  9. pegster says:

    Seems like you just took day 1 to heart. Expecting a brutal repetition of day 1 determined your being late for day 2 and locked out.

  10. Andy says:

    I hate crap like that. Like you can really learn how to be a more effective human being from a frickin’ seminar. I’m sorry, either you’ve got it, or you don’t. Those that can’t, teach…remember?

  11. Mushlette says:

    1. Punctuality is for twats.

    2. What in the holy hell did you ever do to deserve to attend such a horrible seminar? Not that I haven’t read and enjoyed a Chopra book or two, but in the privacy of my own home, thank you very much, not with a bunch of sickeningly over-eager seminarians. *shudder*

    3. Thank God you were locked out.

  12. coffeedog says:

    I hate the introductions too! What a waste of frickin’ time

  13. Book Worm says:

    On the assumption that nothing really happens by chance – and noting that you were late twice in three days – I can only assume that you have no interest in these sessions and no need for this client.

    As a fellow free-lancer, I share your eagerness to please any potential client, but we must deal with reality.

    I’ve learned to turn down people who never pay me and people who turn a 4-hour job into an all-day excercise in jumping through hoops.

    Treasure your freedom, Faustus, and make of it everything you can!


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