June 7, 2005

Over the weekend I was forced to attend a group training session for a company for which I do some freelance work.

On the first day (of three) I walked into the room ten minutes late, only to find that all the people there–sixty or more–were introducing themselves to the rest of the group.

Oh, dear God, I thought.

Then I looked up at the board in front of the room and saw this written there:

“Expectancy determines outcome.” –Deepak Chopra

Oh, dear God, I thought.

Once the excruciating process of introductions was finished, the session leader–who was actually pretty cute–got up and said, “Okay, so I have this thing written on the board, ‘Expectancy determines outcome.’ Who can guess what it means?”

God, I begged, please strike me down now. Better locusts should consume me from within than that I endure this.

God did not comply with my request. Eight hours later, the first day finished, I stumbled out into the street, a broken man.

The next morning I was eighteen minutes late and when I got there they had locked the door and wouldn’t let me in. This means I have to go back the next time they offer the training and take the second two days.

Unless they make me take the first day over again, in which case I’ll quit or perhaps go on a killing spree.

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