May 22, 2005

1) Jess said (on 05/22/05 at 01:32 PM):

In an effort to be responsible, I'm still waiting before buying the book. I've been offered--and have accepted--a new job, but it will still be some time before my income actually resumes. Once I'm earning money again, I will buy it. Then I will feel entitled to listen to your brilliance. Until then, I must stay in the shadows.

Unless, of course, you say "bling". In that case, I will come out of hiding to organize a drive to raise money to have you euthanized. Not that I would want to witness your demise, but it would be the humane thing to do in such a circumstance.

2) Chris said (on 05/22/05 at 03:57 PM):

I'm so there, and I'm SO going to make you autograph my boobies.

3) Brian said (on 05/22/05 at 09:03 PM):

If you run out of things to say, just get everyone on their feet and teach them the "Buffy" followed by the "Wonder Woman".

4) Jeffrey said (on 05/22/05 at 10:47 PM):

Audience Aerobics is the only solution.

5) culligan said (on 05/23/05 at 12:16 AM):

now i'll finally be able to shut all those stupid kids up who laughed at me when i showed them your email and said that we were penpals. see, i DO know somebody famous and i'll have the autograph to prove it.

6) Yadoge said (on 05/23/05 at 03:46 AM):

Goodmorning. Have a nice monday.

7) stevenmark said (on 05/23/05 at 06:04 AM):

When you comin' to yo home town to do a sign'in? Don't worry it's safe now that we have a Pink Pistols group in Myrtle Beach.

8) Jill Smith said (on 05/23/05 at 11:43 AM):

When you come to DC for a signing, I am SO there.

Especially if you promise to teach me "The Buffy."

9) anapestic said (on 05/23/05 at 12:26 PM):

Could you read some of your material from this site (or elsewhere) between the haiku? If nothing else, it would help to generate interest in your next book, or, better still, your new TV series, which stars you (naturally) as a gay Mary Richards. But in Manhattan rather than Minneapolis, of course.

Also, I think you should do the entire event on rollerblades. Your gayest-man-ever cred is on shaky ground recently, due to certain events which it would be better to never mention again, and what says "gay" more clearly than rollerblades? Show tunes, of course, but why have one when you can have both? You rollerblade in, you read a couple of haiku, and launch right into "I Can't Say No," and before you can say "Bob's your therapist," Jai Rodriguez is calling you a bitch and looking for a new job.

10) Mushlette said (on 05/23/05 at 04:57 PM):

What on earth would cause you to think twice about whoring yourself on your own blog?!?! I was under the impression that's what blogs are for.

Oh. Wait. That is so clearly what blogs are for that now I realize the statement must have been entirely tongue in cheek. Hmm. (Clearly I need to get out more, I no longer react properly to humor. *mumble, mumble*)

Good luck at your appearance! (Oh: I vote for rollerblades too! You on rollerblades reading haiku in a bookstore... that really is awfully gay.)

11) Jenna said (on 05/23/05 at 11:06 PM):

"Your gayest-man-ever cred is on shaky ground recently, due to certain events which it would be better to never mention again..."

Do tell!

12) Sparky said (on 05/24/05 at 11:48 AM):

Speaking of publicity whoring, are you going to mention today's Gothamist interview?

http://www.gothamist.com/archives/2005/05/24/joel_derfner_author_gay_haiku.php

13) birdfarm said (on 05/24/05 at 05:58 PM):

I've been thinking about this carefully for several days. I think you should choose some haiku that have funny stories behind them and tell the story ("bite marks on my ass" comes to mind, but maybe that wouldn't be your first choice, especially if E.S. is in the audience), then read the haiku, so the audience can appreciate how the haiku encapsulates the complexity of the story in a simple, pure form, revealing the depth and skill of your literary art.

Plus, the stories will allow attendees to imagine that they share some special intimacy with you, beyond that experienced by mere readers.

Imagine this scene, somewhere in Manhattan where cosmos are being consumed (assuming that in my absence cosmos haven't become the sole provenance of desperate housewives from Queens): someone who attended your reading is saying to a small circle of intimate friends, "oh my god, he told the funniest story about that 'bite marks on my ass' haiku, wait, you have to hear this..."

Those in the circle who did not attend the reading try to look nonchalant, but they begin to have the sinking nauseating sense that they have erred in not attending, and they also begin to hope that if they attend a later reading, their reputations can still be salvaged.

Those in the circle who did not even buy the book (with the possible exception of Jess, who seems to think s/he has a good excuse) are immediately overwhelmed with shame and horror at their immense error, whereupon they slink away in disgrace, purchase and memorize the book, and attend several readings before daring to show their faces again in public.

I like this little scenario very much. You?

14) Helen Damnation said (on 05/26/05 at 09:34 AM):

I'm so excited about this event that I wrote a gay haiku about it.

I'm not going to share it, of course. But I did, for reals.