December 6, 2004

E.S. and I had the following conversation the other day after I came back from the gym.

E.S.: I like your hair like that.
Faustus (disgusted): You mean all gross and messed up and with no product in it because I realized after I got out of the shower that I’d forgotten to bring my gel with me?
E.S.: Yes. It’s so much better like this than all fake and gooped up with stuff. In fact, I want you to throw all your hair product away. You look great natural, just like you are.
(Pause.)
Faustus: You’re not gay. I’ve suspected it all along, but this confirms it.
E.S.: What about the fact that I have a hard-on for you right now?
Faustus: No, that’s less important than caring about hair product. I’m reporting you to the High Council.

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12 Responses to E.S. and I had the

  1. Jess says:

    Priceless 🙂

    Reply
  2. Pony says:

    That’s so scary. He must be from Oregon. (Trust me, I know… there are plenty of those “nature/natural” folks here).

    Hey, stop staring at me. I will continue to use my forming cream, thankyouverymuch.

    Reply
  3. i. bendito says:

    Pistols and natural hair….

    This blog is getting so Brokeback Mountain.

    Reply
  4. David says:

    Am I the only one who thinks your hair looks better with product? It’s so thick, it needs to be tamed.

    Reply
  5. Convivia says:

    How sad that you have wound up with a closet heterosexual. Obviously, all that hot man/man action is simply overcompensating for his inner straight guy.

    Reply
  6. Brian says:

    The proper response would have been to burst into tears, shrieking, “What, I was ugly to you before?!!” Straight guys have no idea how to deal with that.

    I think you should start experimenting with E.S. to see just how straight he really is.

    Reply
  7. Michelle says:

    High council? Man, we only have a board of directors.

    Reply
  8. Jeffrey says:

    Of course, you both did it right after that, I hope.

    Reply
  9. Jess: Thank you.

    Pony: No, it’s worse–he’s from Iowa. Maybe you could send him some of the forming cream and it would cure him.

    i. bendito: I have not read (seen?) Brokeback Mountain, but I gather from your comment that perhaps it’s better that way?

    David: You are not the only one. I think so too.

    Convivia: Either that, or his psychosexual development was interrupted when he was a child.

    Brian: Oh, that’s good. I’ll try that next time.

    Michelle: I’m surprised you don’t have a coop.

    Jeffrey: No, because I had to go teach aerobics.

    Reply
  10. Jay says:

    Oh come on, the hard on is what’s important here folks! All that sweet talk, awww.

    J

    Reply
  11. epicurist says:

    Great site! Thanks for the laughs!

    Reply
  12. Frank says:

    If you get rid of your entire hair product line (a.k.a. survival tools), and live/exist/suffer like that for say… several hours, perhaps then his timely x-mass gift(s) would “save the day”?

    Reply

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