November 22, 2004

A few months ago, my brother introduced me to the acronym MILF–Mom I’d Like to Fuck. Do not ask me how I could live in America in the 21st century and not have encountered this idea before. Apparently young straight men have been engaged in MILF-spotting for years, panting over women whose hips have more than recovered from the ravages of childbirth. I suppose that, since I don’t make a habit of paying attention to the pasttimes of young straight men, I can be forgiven for missing the trend at first, but apparently “MILF” has become part of our national lexicon and I am woefully behind the times.

In any case, in the apartment below me there is a DILF. He can’t be more than 37 or 38, and he has gorgeous eyes and a great body. His wife, according to my brother (who is also my roommate), is a MILF, but I really can’t be bothered to register her presence when he’s around. I mean, I’m sure she’s nice and all, but I don’t see any way she could appreciate his unique gifts as deeply as I do. And doesn’t he deserve that?

He has two children, whom I’ve never met but who are obviously loathsome simply by virtue of their being children, so of course our liaison couldn’t be anything more than a dalliance, something on which we could both look back forever with equal parts satisfaction and regret.

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11 Responses to A few months ago, my

  1. Tin Man says:

    But Faustus: given your avowed positional preference, wouldn’t he more accurately be called a DILFM (Dad I’d Like to Fuck Me)?

  2. Brian says:

    Ah, the glories of being gay. We’re blessed with two kinds of DILFs – dads and daddies we would like to fuck. As long as you bring variety into your fantasies, you’ll always have choices.

    A favorite summer activity is a walk through the local mall, double-chocolate M&M DQ Blizzard in one hand, recently purchased ensemble from Express Men in the other. All the while taking in the many young dads pushing their half-pints in strollers, as I imagine what we would do if only we could find a reputable babysitter for an hour or so.


  3. Tin Man: You are, of course, correct. Unfortunately the phoneme [fm] is invalid in English in syllable-final position.

    Brian: The only thing preventing you from making your lovely fantasy a reality is your caviling insistence that the babysitter be reputable. Though, of course, that leads one to ask if you place any restrictions on what the babysitter be reputable for.

  4. Brian says:

    Hmm, that’s simply my Irish Catholic guilt rearing its ugly, responsible head. While I have slept with a married man (scratch the singular, make that married men) before, I have no desire to let a poor toddler take a therapy-inducing tumble while I am fellating his father.

    That being my therapy, not the toddler’s.

  5. Tin Man says:

    How about DILFuM?

  6. cornellboi says:

    Hello. I stumbled across your blog when….well, nm that. You are quite a raconteur (although, you prevent me from studying for my exams.) Om du kan talar svenska, I’ll be very impressed. 🙂

  7. Jay says:

    Ah, straight guy fantasies! Men who don’t kiss, suck or meet your eyes, who just want to ram it into you, release their pent-up urges and frustrations, then leave in a guilty post-coital hurry, back to their wives and 2.4 kids…

  8. Jeffrey says:

    Perhaps this is the perfect opportunity to test out your supernatural powers on the MYBWLF, leaving DYLFU to seek solace in your — um, arms.

  9. Maenad says:

    I’ve never known what that meant, either. I feel really stupid.

  10. Lux says:


    That seems grammatically wrong though.


    (I know, ends in preposition…)

  11. Jason says:

    A fact which seems to have eluded everyone: MILF really only applies to women who could be one’s own mother. Typically, they are the mothers of one’s friends. I would (read: have) applied the same to DILFs. My best friend and I have a running list. My point being, dear Faustus, the dad downstairs is more likely to be my DILF than yours (and shame on me for betraying your age).


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