I just had the following Columbus-Day conversation with my very funny friend N.F.:
Faustus: Hey, N.F. Happy Subjugation of Indigenous Peoples Day!
N.F.: Thank you. I’m celebrating by keeping some poverty-stricken Dominicans locked in my closet.
Faustus: Well, I don’t want to take you away from that. They might escape while we’re on the phone.
N.F.: No chance. They’re bound and gagged.
Faustus: I think you should force them to piece shoes and garments together for pennies a day. You could install them in the nursery until your wife’s baby is born.
N.F.: Well, there’s really not a lot of room. Besides, I’m planning to sell them this afternoon.
Faustus: But you’d make more money over the long term by using them as sweatshop labor. You could keep them in line by playing on their native superstitions.
N.F.: I did catch one of them trying to steal, so I cut off his hands. I could use one of them as a hand of glory.
Faustus: You hanged him by the neck first?
N.F.: Naturally, but not until dead.
Faustus: But the hanged felon whose hand you use has to be dead.
N.F.: I think he can just be very, very sick.