October 11, 2004

I just had the following Columbus-Day conversation with my very funny friend N.F.:

Faustus: Hey, N.F. Happy Subjugation of Indigenous Peoples Day!
N.F.: Thank you. I’m celebrating by keeping some poverty-stricken Dominicans locked in my closet.
Faustus: Well, I don’t want to take you away from that. They might escape while we’re on the phone.
N.F.: No chance. They’re bound and gagged.
Faustus: I think you should force them to piece shoes and garments together for pennies a day. You could install them in the nursery until your wife’s baby is born.
N.F.: Well, there’s really not a lot of room. Besides, I’m planning to sell them this afternoon.
Faustus: But you’d make more money over the long term by using them as sweatshop labor. You could keep them in line by playing on their native superstitions.
N.F.: I did catch one of them trying to steal, so I cut off his hands. I could use one of them as a hand of glory.
Faustus: You hanged him by the neck first?
N.F.: Naturally, but not until dead.
Faustus: But the hanged felon whose hand you use has to be dead.
N.F.: I think he can just be very, very sick.

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5 Responses to I just had the following

  1. Jess says:

    “Subjugation of Indigenous Peoples Day”? I thought it was “Genocide of Indigenous Peoples Day”! (a/k/a “Smallpox–and other European diseases–introduction to the Western Hemisphere Day”.) I really need to get these things figured out.

    Did you know that much of the destruction of the inhabitants of the Western hemisphere didn’t happen at the tip of a sword (or shot of a musket)? Rather, the diseases brought over wiped out most of the millions of people already living here (the brutal wholesale violence just finished the job).

    What’s really touching is that many of the leading lights of the day saw these plagues as God’s Divine Intervention. They actually believed that God was wiping out these poor people so the Europeans could have their land. Such lovely folks.

  2. Jason says:

    this is not to faustus, but to jess:

    did you really just pose a question starting with “did you know” to fmd?

  3. Jess says:

    Yes, I live on the edge. 😉

  4. Rev. Phil says:


    A well-hung man is one thing, but that is extreme.

  5. riye says:

    um… are you implying there’s something wrong with sweatshops and indentured servitude?


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