August 24, 2004

N.B.: Words cannot express how thrilled I am at how many people are expressing so many different opinions in the Blogalike Contest. Voting will continue through midnight this Friday, August 27; if you haven’t voted yet, please make yourself heard!

I had a whole post worked out about UPS and how they are the source of all evil in the world, but then I read Jake’s comment about how Chris Meloni works out at his gym and I find I am unable to think about anything else.

Jake, whoever you are, if you tell me what gym this is, I will do, quite literally, anything you ask. Note that, as I speak four languages, am flexible and fit enough to do a round-off back handspring back tuck, and can recite “Jabberwocky” while standing on my head, the possibilities are, while not endless, certainly wide-ranging.

As of this moment, I know only that Chris (who, by the way, hugged me in my dream last night) often patronizes the Starbucks at 93rd Street and Broadway. I’m about to leave my house and go sit and wait for him there, forever, if need be. But, Jake, if you e-mail me, I can get the e-mail at Starbucks (I’m sure they have a wireless network there) and go and join the gym in question immediately, and wait for him there, forever, if need be. So I suppose I ought to amend “quite literally anything you ask” to “quite literally anything you ask as long as it can be done within the confines of whatever gym Chris Meloni works out in.”

The advantage of seeing Chris Meloni sweating at the gym vs. seeing Chris Meloni buying coffee should be clear even to the dullest of dullards out there.

Actually, it just occurred to me that I could get a job teaching aerobics at the gym in question and convince Chris Meloni to take my class. Except then I’d probably die of joy.

Come on, Jake, baby, come through for me here.

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6 Responses to N.B.: Words cannot express how

  1. Sin says:

    This is probably not a good time to tell you that I met him while I was living in Manhattan on the Upper West Side, and proceeded to demand that he hug me because I thought he was the hottest thing since Hades handed out all-season passes to the Underworld, is it?

    And he obliged. Woof. It was like hugging cast-iron underneath a comforting layer of velvet.

  2. Marc says:

    That is soooooooooo hot. I love that description, “cast iron under velvet.” Just as I’ve imagined it. Grrrrrrrrr. Et tu, Faustus?

  3. tim says:

    Okay, since I am quite sure the Mr. Meloni does not go the NYSC at 94th/Bway, and I am sure the he also lives in that area, I can guarantee you that Mr. Meloni goes to the Equinox on Broadway between 91st & 92nd Streets.

    Secondly, when I worked full-time at the local wine store/tasting bar, Mr. Meloni came in several times to do a wine tasting. The first time, he treated the staff “not the best”. The next time was equally as poor. Then, he did a tasting with me. Well, after hearing the abominable behavior he had shown before, I made sure he knew that if he wanted help, he had to ask for it in a respectful way. He has issues with his cell and I made it quite clear that if he wanted attention, I needed his as well.

    Anyway, he has come back several times to ask me for recommendations and has even asked for me specifically.

    Bottom line, he’s hot on TV and in person, but has the UWS “attitude”. Now, Dan Florek of L&O: SVU. There’s a nice guy.

  4. Wayne says:

    Damn, for Chris Meloni, I’d start working out!!!

  5. Yusef says:

    Mmmm… Chris Meloni is rather hot in that squinty-eyed-goombah-cop kinda way, I suppose. Assembled company have no doubt come upon (so to speak) countless nudie screen captures taken from Mr. Meloni’s various full monty shots on Oz? Given the goods on display, it’s likely that the meeting would fall short (so to speak) of the imagining. He does appear to have lovely legs, though.

  6. jake says:

    nope, he doesn’t work out at equinox…

    good lord, i had no idea this would inspire a post. to think…

    as i sing in six different languages for a living, the language thing won’t do it for me; however, we might be able to come to some agreement with a recitation of “jabberwocky”…

    i’ll email you.


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