I have a new favorite book. I haven’t read it yet; in fact, I don’t even own it yet, but I will, very, very soon.
It’s called How to Goodbye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? and was written by a man named Hiroyuki Nishigaki, who, if his publicity is to be believed, was given the ability of space travel by a female inorganic ally not once but twice, at the ages of 10 and 56.
Here is an excerpt from another work of Mr. Nishigaki’s:
I had hated several big vinyl houses in front of my house for about 20 years because the vegetables in these houses have the same feeling of melancholic…A week ago when I walked beside these vinyl houses, I talked to the vegetables in these vinyl houses. By using my third attention, I said to these vegetables ‘Please, excuse human beings who will eat you soon. Don’t get perverse as long as you live on the earth.’…When such a message could reach the vegetables in the vinyl house by me, beautiful transparent flash suddenly lightened in the vinyl house by me and the vegetables turned to be lively. Then I could feel relieved and joyful.
I am so very, very excited.
My secret hope is that along with the book I’ll get my own female inorganic ally.
Sorry, FIA is not included with purchase.
The publishers do provide a discount coupon valid towards one month of Mellaril!
I am in awe and disbelief.
Please, more about constricting anus! Wheee.
“Female inorganic ally” = blow-up sex doll. Enjoy!
Unrelated, but my email says your email wouldn’t recieve my email yesterday.
Your email is a terrible snob.
This book sounds good, but I’m not sure it can outpace “Giraffes? Giraffes!” by Dr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey. You must check it out. Very charming and funny.
I… I talk to the vegetables too…
Now, I’m just disturbed. Seriously. I blame the kitten porn on my blog as a way of coping with this.