July 13, 2004

I have a new favorite book. I haven’t read it yet; in fact, I don’t even own it yet, but I will, very, very soon.

It’s called How to Goodbye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? and was written by a man named Hiroyuki Nishigaki, who, if his publicity is to be believed, was given the ability of space travel by a female inorganic ally not once but twice, at the ages of 10 and 56.

Here is an excerpt from another work of Mr. Nishigaki’s:

I had hated several big vinyl houses in front of my house for about 20 years because the vegetables in these houses have the same feeling of melancholic…A week ago when I walked beside these vinyl houses, I talked to the vegetables in these vinyl houses. By using my third attention, I said to these vegetables ‘Please, excuse human beings who will eat you soon. Don’t get perverse as long as you live on the earth.’…When such a message could reach the vegetables in the vinyl house by me, beautiful transparent flash suddenly lightened in the vinyl house by me and the vegetables turned to be lively. Then I could feel relieved and joyful.

I am so very, very excited.

My secret hope is that along with the book I’ll get my own female inorganic ally.

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7 Responses to I have a new favorite

  1. i. bendito says:

    Sorry, FIA is not included with purchase.

    The publishers do provide a discount coupon valid towards one month of Mellaril!

  2. orbicon says:

    I am in awe and disbelief.
    Please, more about constricting anus! Wheee.

  3. David says:

    “Female inorganic ally” = blow-up sex doll. Enjoy!

  4. Lauren says:

    Unrelated, but my email says your email wouldn’t recieve my email yesterday.

    Your email is a terrible snob.

  5. Dr. Pipt says:

    This book sounds good, but I’m not sure it can outpace “Giraffes? Giraffes!” by Dr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey. You must check it out. Very charming and funny.

  6. Wayne says:

    *Blanke Stare*


    I… I talk to the vegetables too…

  7. Sin says:

    Now, I’m just disturbed. Seriously. I blame the kitten porn on my blog as a way of coping with this.


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