June 11, 2004

People who talk at the theater should be taken out and shot like dogs.

People who talk at the theater and then get up to leave during the final moments of a show so as to beat the crush of people who will be leaving once the show is actually over should be simmered in oil and set on fire; the fire should then be put out and they should be left to linger for weeks, if not months, as infection ravages their bodies; then they should be drawn and quartered and, once dead, refused burial in hallowed ground.

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12 Responses to People who talk at the

  1. Musikchyck says:

    bravo! same goes for people who don’t turn off their cellphones.

  2. tim says:

    Nowadays, you have to think more efficiently. Said people should be hauled off into a truck and used as fuel to power the earth. Then at least we can say they are useful for something. I’m telling you, one day, I shall come up with the technology that uses humans as fuel…. ahahahahahahahaha (diabolical laugh)

  3. goddess says:

    Very sophisticated! I’ve always used the “glare” technique for the talkers, and then attempted to trip the early leavers as they displace me during or before(!) the curtain call. Alas, no luck.

  4. i. bendito says:

    My my.

    I believe I was more tolerant pre-Iceman… before orchestra seats hit $100.

  5. kitty says:

    It isn’t nice to shoot dogs.

  6. Daoenix says:

    I forget what I was going to say, because all I can think about now is that a diabolical laugh should be spelled “Mwahahahaha!”

  7. seems appropriate.

    i hate those who settled themselves in theatres just to talk.

    oh you forgot to mention those who not just talk at the theatre but those who narrate/comment on the movie as well all throughout.

    they deserve to be sent on a Death March.

  8. kevin says:

    Aye, unofficial movie narrators deserve a fate worse than Brutus’s in Dante’s Inferno.

    I once sat in front of a male and a female moviegoer, presumably on a date. Every five minutes, the male moviegoer would announce to the female moviegoer what will happen in the following five minutes. Eventually, I mustered a “shh,” but what most bewildered me is the thought that anyone could think this annoying behavior might increase their odds of getting laid, or impress their date, or something.

    Rather than listing those who should die horrible deaths and deserve awful afterlives, could we just corral the whole damn country?

  9. Convivia says:

    But first, roo-roo.

  10. Jeff says:

    Bad night at a show, I take it?

  11. Adam875 says:

    Ooh, ooh, what did you see?

    And shouldn’t they be buried in unhallowed ground?

    You should get some of these.

  12. Adam875 says:

    Whoops, mis-read…”refused burial,” not “buried.” Nevermind, that makes much more sense now. 🙂


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