June 9, 2004

One of the advantages of having a boyfriend who’s about to start his residency in psychiatry is that I get to learn all sorts of terrific things about how society deals with crazy people.

For instance: the Secret Service keeps a list of crazy people who have threatened to kill the President of the United States. Then, whenever the President of the United States comes to town, the Secret Service sends a pair of agents to spend the day with each crazy person. They go to lunch, they go to the movies, maybe do a little shopping. Apparently the crazy people love this. “Oh, wow!” they say. “Stan and Joey are coming to town to take me out!”

Now that’s a deal I’d love to be in on. Especially if Stan and Joey were hot.

The problem, of course, is that threatening to kill the President of the United States is a federal crime, and I’d have to be able to convince the authorities that I was crazy rather than criminal.

I’m going to truncate this post here, because the more I write, the more I fear a knock at my door followed by the entrance of anonymous men from the Department of Homeland “Security” and my inexplicable but permanent disappearance.

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8 Responses to One of the advantages of

  1. kevin says:

    And anyone who’s had a little vacation in a psychiatric ward is ineligible for the CIA.

    Do you hear that flushing sound? That’s my life-long dream. Flussssh.

  2. Lauren says:

    I spent a long time trying to figure out what I would have to do to have myself legally prevented from buying a gun before I decided the only real way to do it without a court deciding I was crazy would be to have a court decide to put me in prison for a year, instead. And am possibly even less keen on that idea than on the idea of being committed someplace, so tsk.

    (…aren’t they just replacing the missing people with robots now?)

  3. Paul says:

    Ssssh. Don’t let this leak out because I don’t think we could survive without you Faustus. Check to see if they pay for everything first if they do then welcome them with open wallet.

  4. campbell says:

    It strikes me that threatening to kill POTUS and then acting loony is a rather extreme method of setting up an afternoon’s shopping with a couple of hunks.
    I mean a) you have a utterly delicious sounding boyf who must have friends and b) there are escort agencies after all.

  5. Pam says:

    Does that work for non-Americans as well ? I quite fancy a wee day out.

  6. PatCH says:

    I’ve been to a Secret Service graduation or two and seen their offices. The Stans and Joeys are all hot.

  7. Jeff says:

    That could really be a clever set up for a highly satiric pornographic movie….

  8. Lux says:

    I thought the second half of that first sentence was going to have to do with drugs… but you took it somewhere much more interesting.

    I’ve seen some Stans and Joeys up close (but not too close, mind you), and the black power suits even hotter in person. 😀


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