February 9, 2004

Tomorrow is my meeting with Hal Prince. It is also my two-year blogiversary.

Lately, I’ve been seriously considering giving up this enterprise. It’s not that I figure there’s no point in writing it now that I actually have a boyfriend–first of all, we are a long ways away from using the L-word; and second of all, it has become obvious to me and probably to most of you that I am on a search not for the love of somebody else but for self-love, which I am also a long ways away from, except of course in the most carnal sense. And that kind of self-love I am as intimately acquainted with as anybody.

No, it’s more a combination of other things. Prosaically, now that I’m spending most of my free time with E.S., it’s difficult to find the time I need to craft a post well. When I didn’t have a boyfriend, I could just be amusing about the misery of being single; now that I have one, however, I find myself wondering how much of what I feel about him really belongs on this web site and how much should stay in my psyche. There’s also the very real tension that I feel when life with him intersects with the blogiverse, given how we reconnected and how badly I hurt him last time. There’s also of course the force of entropy working on me: there are actually a lot of things I’m considering giving up, and it’s difficult to tell whether it’s the mood disorders talking or common sense.

Perhaps it’s this last uncertainty that’s keeping me from stopping yet–the not knowing whether I really want to stop or whether this is just one more of the things I’m finding overwhelming for no good reason at the moment.

That, and the burning desire to turn this damn thing into a best-selling novel, which I can’t do unless I actually finish it, rather than just stopping.

So you’re not shut of me quite yet.

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12 Responses to Tomorrow is my meeting with

  1. I think that the most important thing about blogging is that it should be enjoyable. It certainly oughtn’t be a chore. So if you’re not enjoying it, don’t do it (alas). Or, if you think you’ll miss it, do it less: redesign your presence in Blogland. “Faustus – The Next Stage” could be good (in Typepad, perhaps?) – just don’t shout out about being less regular than when you were younger!

  2. tim says:

    What you need to do is stop putting so much pressure to write a blog. Do it for fun. So you miss a couple of weeks. Who cares. Do it for yourself. People will come back. People will still love you. If not, screw em. You have an meeting with Hal Prince.

  3. Happy blogiversary!

    I debated in my mind the same question as you… “how much of what I feel about him really belongs on this web site and how much should stay in my psyche.” But he answered it for me when he asked me to not blog about him anymore… good or bad.

  4. sarrah says:

    don’t leave us! what ever will i do without your comic prose !?

    You’re my NYC connection here in London town!

  5. Wayne says:

    I have asked the same question to myself before – why did I start blogging, and why am I continuing doing it.. and then… what am I getting out of it?

    I wasn’t sure what to answer for the first two questions… but the last question made me decided to continue to blog. And that is – the readers that visits my site on regualir basis… (just like me, I always visit your blog first) It’s not about having to pressure ourselves to write an etry that guaranteed fun and drama. It is about exposing a little bit of ourselves and our lives to the world…. day by day. And in return, you get feed backs that are out of our own world. Even though I would be muy sad if you decided to stop blogging… But, you do what you feel most comfortable with. šŸ™‚ We’ll love you no matter what.

    Pinch Hal’s butt for me.

  6. Jeff says:

    You’ll know when the time has come to pull the plug: it will have been two to three months before you actually do so.

    That said, happy anniversary, and break a leg today — perferably not your own. Or Mr. Prince’s.

  7. Deidre says:

    I must comment here. I confess that I read your blog every day. When I don’t get around to it, I miss it. Granted, this could be as much a comment on the sad state of my life as it is on your wonderful blog, but there it is. I will honestly be a little sadder without your insights.

    You are special, Faustus. Don’t leave us. Yes, you’re a sicko (love ya), but you’re also one of the most heartfelt, intelligent, soft- and well-spoken bloggers on the net. Your honesty and ability to laugh at yourself and share your humiliations helps us laugh at ourselves.

    So don’t leave. šŸ™‚

  8. Mark says:

    Although I’d hate to see you leave, since I read you everyday, of course I’d respect your wishes you shut down. Maybe the blog should just take on another focus since you’re in a relationship now. Who knows, but I know you would be missed.

  9. hot toddy says:

    David & Tim – you said exactly what I was thinking.

    I would really miss your blog, Faustus. I am not above groveling, so please don’t go.

    How will I pass my time if you stop blogging and we discontinue e-mailing and exchanging comments?

    What will I do with myself ? My job-related duties?!?

    Yeah, right.

  10. Roxzana Robertson Sudo says:

    Faustus; You don`t even know me, but I read your blog every day and think you are splendid! I was on the East Coast recently and thought about trying to find you just to see what you look like (are there ANY pictures of you ANYWHERE?) and to tell you I think you are a very talented writer (as an aspiring screenwriter myself. . .) and that your blog is just, well, SO MUCH FUN. God bless you and may you know that someone out in Brazil (though American) thinks you`re awesome. Write me back sometiime. I feel like I know you so well already! –Roxzana

  11. Tin Man says:

    The biggest mistake I made with my blog the first time around was that I found myself doing it more for other people than for myself. “Uh-oh, what if I go several days without writing and people stop reading me?” and “I have to give people reasons to keep coming back every day!”

    When I restarted my blog last February, I decided that I was going to do it for myself and only for myself. I was going to write about things that interested me, and I wasn’t going to try so hard just to entertain people and give them the juicy stuff I thought they wanted. And you know what? I enjoy blogging much more now as a result.

    Never feel pressure to continue blogging just because other people want you to. You have absolutely no obligation to your audience in that regard.

    Unless the person who tells you to keep blogging is Hal Prince. (I’m still blown away that you’ve met him, and I hope it went well!)

  12. campbell says:

    God it is 10.45a.m (well here in London anyway) and no word from Faustus. The suspense is killing me!

    I mean is he nursing a hangover after drinking champagne all night at Sardi’s? Or, gulp, nursing a battered ego? I’ve seen ‘The Producers’ I know how cruel those Broadway types can be!!


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