The thing is, E.S. seems to have forgiven me for the way I treated him last time we were dating.
So why can’t I forgive myself?
Am I going to manage to fuck this up again, this time from the other side?
The thing is, E.S. seems to have forgiven me for the way I treated him last time we were dating.
So why can’t I forgive myself?
Am I going to manage to fuck this up again, this time from the other side?
If it is really true that what happened (or blogging about it) was so heinous, doesn’t that make him all the more deserving of some time to explore what you’ve got?
Yes you’re going to fuck up, and he’s going to fuck up, and hopefully you’ll be able to realize you’re both human underneath all that fucking up, and keep on fucking… each other.
Give yourself a break here, and allow yourself to “let it go”, this time and every other time
If that’s a serious concern of yours…then I think the very first thing you should do is stop posting about it. Much as it pains me to suggest that you hold back or leave us altogether, there are situations that cannot benefit from being aired in public. Among them are doubts about your ability to sustain a relationship.
You can’t forgive yourself because if you forgave yourself you would have no excuse for not giving everything to this relationship. As it is, you hold on to a lack of self-forgiveness as a get-out-of-relationship-free card, waving it at yourself every time things get a bit challenging. “I can’t do anything right,” you tell yourself; “I shouldn’t even try.”
But clearly that’s not true. You have friends, loyal readers, a boyfriend who has given you a second chance when you made an utter ass of yourself. You have lots of proof that you can do things right. You just have to not be afraid of what might happen.
(And now I will stop interfering in the love lives of people whose blogs I found through the friend-of-a-friend method and let you make your own mistakes if that’s what you want to do.)
As my mom would say, “Get over the damn Jewish guilt!”. You’ve got to forgive and love yourself a bit here. He’s accepted your apology, and moved on. Relationships are about working things out. Some day he may hurt you, and then you will forgive him.
If he has forgiven you then it means there is something there. Rather than focusing on what you did, you should focus on what he is teaching you by this act of his. No relationship could be complete without guilt for past wrongs. But you have to learn to forget. Because the future is always brighter than the past.
I wondered when you’d get to that.
No. You aren’t.
I couldn’t agree with Jalal more.
We are all imperfect. I think many relationships fail due to “fuck-ups” because someone’s perfect image of the other is destroyed. We all hurt each other, we are all careless, we are all at times selfish ans callow. We all have to decide how much self-control to exert, and how much to sacrifice for each other – and we make that choice based on priorities.
It is clear that he is your priority now (don’t freak.) You are clearly his as well. That is, I fell, the most revealing element. All else then falls into place.
Just because you “fuck up” again doesn’t mean the relationship will end. Don’t be afraid of mistakes. Not every fuck-up is fatal. 🙂
Ooh, I like that.
Yeah, just leave what happened to the past, in the past. 🙂
Sorry to tell you…but you don’t have that much power. Life gets fucked up most often because, well, life is fucked up. Not because you are any more fucked up that the rest of us. Just breathe.
(I don’t believe I’ve ever used the word “fuck” so many times in a blog comment before.)